The Red Rose

Chapter 1 ~ This Is Me

Chapter 1 ~ This Is Me

___________________________________________________________________________

Hurt, Broken, Deserted: those are the words that describe my life at this very moment. I would tell you my name if it was even worth anything, and I am worth nothing, not even a measly little penny. I should be dead, everything that has happened proved that my life was a mistake, or a negative copy of someone else's perfect life. I am not normal, I live alone with no home; I wish I was one of those stereotypical teenagers. I know that they are not considered the best influences, but at least they have something to call their own.

I live on New York, at least I think that I do. In a deserted alley that I call home is where I spend most of my days praying that some day the good Lord will strike lightning upon me to end it. On rare occasions, I will go out to search through trash cans that were meant to hold inedible items to find something edible. But I only find dirt, grum, and bugs. I can't help but be so hungry that I sometime eat the bugs.

No one knows me, or even bothers to notice me. If they do, they just keep on walking forward thinking that I was just a Figment of their imagination. It hurts when they do that, but I have learned to live with it. I fend for myself, I do this with no money, no strength, and no will or faith. It is a wonder even to me how i do that, but somehow I manage it. Every so often I regain just enough strength to pull myself together and not cry, "Never again" I will reassure myself, but it always seems to come back, the tears.

I will not tell you how I got into this situation, even the first four words are depressing. But that's how life is.........right? I also feel as if there is nothing else worse then what I have gone through already, but I am always wrong. Everyday it gets more and more horrifying, the pain, stress, and agony. No one cares, not anyone, not even me.

This is me, the one who could care less about anyone or anything. The one who would rather be pierced in the heart with a dull knife then breathe the filthy air around her that helps her thrive. The one who has no strength at all. My life as I know sucks.

I was laying across the cold pavement staring at the bare brick wall that touched my nose in such a way that it sent chills down my back. I have been laying there for who knows how long, but it was my moment of peace, where I did not have a care in the world. My mind was blank, I was just laying there with no emotion, which it usually is everyday.

My stomach started to rumble, low and deep. This was the fourth time today in which it sent me the indication that I was hungry. Normally would just ignore it, but this time it was different, it was as if if I did not get something in my stomach now I would die a long terrifying and painful death. Not that I cared about dying, but I decided to go find something anyway.

I got up out of what I would call a comfortable position and started to make my usual route around the nearest trash cans I could find. The first one I dug through only had a few card board boxes and soda cans. I walked around the corner to see another can that only held an very appalling smell that anyone would pass out immediately if they took a quick whiff of it, but I was immune to smells this horrifying. I took a look inside and found some moldy bread. I quickly scooped it up in my frail pale hands and gabbled it down until there was nothing left but a single crumb in which I ate after I saw that it was there.

For the first time in along time, I felt the urge to take a walk and see what was actually happening in the world around me. So, I started off on my new adventure half dragging my feet behind me. Every movement I made took even more life out of me, my legs felt like they were going to break when they came in contact with the ground. The blood that ran through my vanes froze when the stinging wind whipped past me again, did I mention that it was in the middle of December?

I stumbled my way out of the dark alley and found myself starring face to face with the real world, not the world I have known for a while now. The blinking lights blinded my vision every so often when they came on. I saw cars angrily honking at each other, and people frantically walking up and down the street. Yup, this was defiantly New York.

I pull what was left of my jacket around me even more trying to shield me from the wind in which is now trying to push me to the ground with all of it's might. I looked down at the cracked pavement below and saw my feet move, one step after another. I brought my face up again to see where I was going in fear of bumping into someone, it was embarrassing enough being the only person on the street with no money, I think.

I kept walking, well, trudging my way along not really knowing or caring where I was going. I realized that my eyes were starring at the ground again, apparently the gray lifeless stone beneath my feet became very fascinating to me. I was knocked out of my trance when I walked right into something, or someone for this instance. I looked up and I starred into the bright icy eyes that were doing that same as mine. I removed my eyes from stranger's eyes to the features that formed his face, as I was doing so I could not help but notice that this face seemed awful familiar to me. Then the realization struck me, no. can it be him?