5 Centimeters Per Second

四十五

Like always,
we headed home together after the soccer practice with our club.

And stopped by the convenience store.

The way he looked at me,
I couldn't help but blush everytime.

After getting our drinks as we came out the store,
I tutted my teeth and,

stopped him by pulling the back of shirt.

But I couldn't make the next move.

"...being so nice to me..."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Sorry, forget it..."

Like always,
I was unable to get the words out of my mouth.

I kept quiet yet again.

My scooter didn't start when I sat on it.
And he...

Examined it for me.

He suggested to leave it there, and pickup later with a family member.

While he would walk me home.

Despite me attempting to protest,
he was keen on dropping me home.

We walked silently keeping a short distance.
I felt like crying.

Pain built up in my heart.

I wished Jimin would,
Stop being...

..so nice to me.

Stop being so agonizingly sweet.

Especially if,
it meant..

n o t h i n g

Tears formed in my eyes,
threatening to fall.

I couldn't hold in for long,
And let out a whimper sound.

He abruptly stopped walking,
To look at my sobbing face.

Maybe he was going to comfort me,
And ask what happened.

Suddenly,

we were distracted by the sound of the launching aircraft.

It was dissappearing into the sky leaving behind a long trail of smoke.

I thought,

We're so desperate to reach beyond the clouds..

..that we launched these massive objects...

..while we stared off into the distance.

I think that was when I realised,
What made Jimin different from everyone else...

And that was also when
It became,
Painfully clear...

That he didn't truly see me.

That's why I couldn't bring myself to tell him how I felt that day.

Soon we reached my home,
as he proceeded to his.

Jimin was a good guy...

An incredibly nice guy...

But he was always looking at something,

Beyond me.

Something very far away.
Or
Someone very far away.

Jimin would never reciprocate my feelings.
And yet..

And yet, I was certain that...

Come tomorrow, the next day, and every other day after that,

I wouldn't be able to keep myself from loving him.

And as I drowned in thoughts of him...
I proceeded to,

Cry myself to sleep.