I slowly got out the car, and walked up to my house, Noah right behind me. I stepped aside since he had the key, he looked at me for a second and then realized he had to open the door for us to get in, he pushed opened the door, he watched me like i was going to scream or lash out any second. I felt like messing up something or throwing or punching something. I dont know bad anger issues? But i wanted to scream or kick or just do something. I walked inside and turned around, Noah was still looking at me, "you gonna just stare at me? Or do something" i snapped at him. He raised his hands up in surrender and walked outside to grab our things from the hospital. I immediately felt guilty, i sighed and sat down on my couch. "I wish you were here.." i whispered to my self, I would never see him graduate, never see him get married, he wouldn't be there for my marriage, he wouldnt ever go to college, he wouldnt get to- "Maria!" I was snapped out of my thoughts. I looked up at Noah.."yeah?" I asked him, "i called your name 7 times!" He shouted concerned, "are you okay marri?" He used his nickname he made for me in the 2nd grade, only cause he had lost his front teeth, and couldn't say 'maria' correctly so he said 'marri' instead, he hasnt used it in a while. I shook my head.."what can i do?" I looked at him like he was dumb, "im just trying to help.." he almost whispered, i felt guilty again. "I know, im sorry Noah i didn-" he raised his hands, "no need to apologize, i cant imagine what your feeling right now" i only nodded. "I think i just need some time alone" i whispered the last part, he nodded and got up to grab some food and went into the guest room. I walked upstairs to my bathroom, i looked at myself in the mirror, i looked empty, my eyes were dark, and i had bruises on my arms and face, but other than that and some scratches, i didnt look to bad, at least i didnt think i did. I walked across the hall but stopped, to get to my bedroom, i had to pass his.
I kept walking and instead of going into my own bedroom, i walked into James' s. I looked around his room, his legos scattered every where. His bed not made, pillows on the floor, i almost laughed at the memory of coming in here to yell at him, because i stepped on a lego, or when i would wrestle him, or tickle him because his laugh was just so adorable. I missed that most, his laugh, his smile, the way his eyes got really gleamy when he laughed so hard he cried, i didnt know i was crying until i felt something wet drop on my hands, i set down the lego man and women i was holding. I looked down at the floor, there were hand made directions i didnt know what it built, but i knew James never got to finish it, i made the choice to stay up til i finished it. I didnt even know what it made, but i'll build it, i'll build it for James.
