Corbin

Father's Hallelujah

I spent the next hour or more tending to all the important things that needed to happen. Despite the fact it was almost two o'clock in the morning I called for the doctor and he rushed quickly to our aid, though he needn't have worried so as no more than a few minutes later he pronounced what we already knew. Within half an hour, the coroner had arrived and I held Winter's shaking frame in my arms as they loaded Mother's body into the van and took her away. I had been forewarned that in the coming days I would have to face the trial of deciding on funeral arrangements but in that moment, I did not have the strength to think about it.

As the doctor said his goodbyes, speaking out his condolences, I closed the door. It wasn't that I was trying to be rude by cutting him off. It was just that I wasn't ready to hear what he had to say. In my heart, my Mother was still alive and well. In my mind, she would be right there in the kitchen when I turned around. But when I turned around and my gaze fell on the empty kitchen, I felt something in my heart change. I couldn't pin what it was but I knew that nothing was going to be the same from then on.

I sighed, the weight of Winter in my arms growing heavy on me for a moment. Knowing without a doubt that she needed to be held just as much as I needed to hold her, though, I hitched her up a little higher and kissed her cheek. Her arms wrapped around my neck as I walked across the room and I took a moment to squeeze her softly to me before I slowly began to strip Mother's sheets off the bed.

As I tugged at the pillow cases, the image of Mother fluffing our worn out pillows as much as possible before we slept each night crept unbidden into my mind. I paused for a moment, blinking back tears as I regained my composure and placed them back at the head of the bed. Then I turned my attention to the quilt. As I struggled to get the cover off, another memory floated through my head.

"Now where on earth could he be?" Mother's voice called as she searched high and low around the kitchen.

From under the bed covers, my six year old self couldn't contain a giggle.

"Aha!" Mother cried, straightening from looking in a cupboard, flour smeared across her cheeks, her hair falling out of its clip just a little, "I hear you cheeky monkey... now if only I could find you!"

I giggled again and Mother turned towards the bed. I had not hidden myself well. I had attempted to make myself look like a pillow but there was no fooling anyone, of course. Mother however, being her playful self, did not look under the covers but instead peered under the bed.

"Where oh where could my little Bear be?" Mother straightened up again, smiling as she wiped her hand across her brow, smearing more flour.

I couldn't contain my excitement any longer and popped up like a rocket from beneath the sheets, grinning from ear to ear, "Here I am Mama!"

"Oh my goodness!" Mother joyfully feigned surprise, "You almost gave me a heart attack, sweet Joshua."

I giggled, "Sorry Mama!"

Mother laughed and leaned forward, taking the quilt from around my shoulders and wrapping it around my head before smearing flour on my nose, "Now you look like a proper little Bear!"

I growled, meek and high pitched, raising my hands to mimic claws.

"Terrifying!" Mother laughed, then smiled as she brushed the hair out of my eyes, "But I prefer little Bears that like to go on teddy bear picnics... go on Joshua, go and wash up and we can take lunch to the meadow."

I was dragged from my remembering's by a dampness on my cheeks. Hoping Winter didn't notice, I patted my tears dry and returned to stripping sheets. As I worked, Winter clung on tight enough that I could use both hands where I needed to and soon I had piled the sheets in the centre of the bed, bundling them all into themselves before putting them aside. I wasn't ready to face Mother's bed unmade however – her pride in what little she had meant she would never have allowed that – so despite no one being in it I got fresh sheets out and made the bed once more. When I finished, with a final sigh of both satisfaction and exhaustion, I took the dirty sweat and germ ridden sheets up in my free hand and headed with Winter for the door, ready to toss them into the rubbish collection box outside.