Sweet Contradictions

Chapter One: The Dreaded Date

        "I'm not bitter." But even as the words left my lips, I knew I was lying. 

        I had always been a really good liar, but Sara caught on easily, "Frankie, you can't deny it. Besides, you need to get out and find something better. There is something better." 

        I rolled my eyes and continued to walk down the sidewalk towards my little apartment, "Sara, what Pace and I had was really great and I've come to terms," I paused to reach into my purse, fumbling around for my keys, "I'm just not interested in a relationship right now. Or ever." 

        "Frankie, you can't be single forever!" Sara pouted and I resisted the urge to toll my eyes once more. 

        "I'll be that old cat lady down the street, it'll be grand."

        Sara pursed her perfect lips as I unlocked my apartment, "You need a man, Frankie. I know you're still bitter over Pace." 

        "I'm not bitter!" I protested, walking inside, wishing this conversation could be over.

        "Come on a double date with Gus and I tonight, then." 

        "Look, I don't want to be in a relationship, Sara." 

        "Why?" Again with the pouty face. It was less cute each time. 

        "I don't want to open up to anyone, anymore!" I confessed and Sara's eyebrows became pitying. She grabbed me up in a hug, "Oh, poor baby. I won't let anyone hurt you." 

        I pulled away, uncomfortable with her pity, "I'm fine. I just have a lot of walls." 

       "I know. I know you do. You just gotta find the right guy, okay? We'll find you someone, Frankie." 

        I tried to ignore her as I pulled out food from my refrigerator, "Well, I've been talking to your mom and we-" 

        I spun around, "You've been talking to mom?!" 

        "We agreed that you need to find someone! It's been a whole year. She wants you to be happy Frankie!" 

        "Sara!" 

        "10 dates! If you don't find someone after 10 dates, she promises to leave you alone." 

        "What is this? Some kind of blackmail?!" I couldn't believe my best friend and my mom had joined together to force me into mortifying misery. 

        "Sara, I can't believe you two!" 

        "Agree to it, Frankie, and I'll stop pestering you about it!" 

        ***

        "What the hell, mom?" 

        My mother looked far too smug as she stood outside my childhood home. 

        "Don't have too much fun, you two!" She called out. 

        I didn't have time to yell profanities before Sara pulled me into the car and drove to Gus's place. 

        I don't know why I agreed to it. Part of me was truly sick of people pushing and pestering and sticking their noses into my life, especially after my nasty breakup with Pace. And deep down inside, super deep down, I actually hoped I might find someone. My nights had been filled with Netflix, beers and anything that I could possibly do to fill up my days, but I did get a little lonely, especially when I needed someone to laugh and talk with. I found myself with this need to want to discuss and explain and ask about everything. Pace and I had always talked about our interests, beliefs, dislikes, and the dysfunctions of society. Sometimes, all I needed was to just speak. 

        But there was this feeling that I couldn't fill with people who wouldn't stay, so I didn't fill it with people at all. 

        I guess you could say that I was bitter. 

        I stepped up to Gus's door and grinned when he answered. 

        "Frankie! My main wo-man." Gus pulled me from my reverie, combing his fingers through his wavy, dark hair. 

        "Gus, save me. Sara wants me to go on a blind date." 

        Gus grinned then laughed, "No, it wasn't Sara's idea."

        "What?" 

        "It was mine." 

        "Gus, I can't believe you. I thought we were friends," I jokingly punched his arm.

        "Dude, he's super chill, Frankie. He's one of my friends from the motherland." 

        "He's Irish? Oh hell. Take me home, now." I was serious, now. There was too damn much Irish going on here. 

        "He's not like...Pace." 

        "Okay, when was this idea that I want another Irish guy in my life conceived? Because you two need to stop, right now," I pointed angrily at both Gus and Sara, "I know it seems like I don't care anymore, which I don't, but this blind date I was not okay with in the first place. You can't just shove one of your Irish friends at me again, Gus, how insensitive! You think it doesn't hurt me every time you speak and you roll your "r"s. People just seem to think because 13 months have passed since everything happened, that I'm perfectly okay, now! Have you ever been broken, before? It freaking hurts!" 

        With each word that proceeded from my mouth, regret filled me. I hadn't ever talked about how badly it hurt when Pace decided he was ready to move on without me. In fact, I hadn't spoken about anything, especially not how badly Gus's accent killed me. 

        There was an awkward silence and I knew neither of them knew what to say, but before any of them could, there was a tiny cough behind me and I turned around slowly, mortified when the only words that came out of his pretty mouth were, "I'm just going to go." 

                But they were distinctly Irish.