It's a punishment you commit by yourself.
Entry 01:
07/02/2021
Sunday
I was so confused about choosing my career. After days of contemplating, I had decided something today.
Even if I could always come out. I had to come out today. And attending this business party was my first decision to come out. I thought it would be tough. Very tough. To meet everyone, to not be judged, to smile willfully.
But… but
I saw someone.
He was way out of my league. I am just seventeen. It's not okay to feel things like this, right?
He stood tall. Probably around 6 feet. I looked short in front of him. I am 5 feet.
I couldn't look back at anything. He fascinated me. The sound of his laugh was rich. I was the daughter of a rich man but today I had realised how rich he was by the way he looked around, the way he talked with others, the way he smiled, the way he never looked at me. We idiotic like red flags like these, don't we? I am sure he noticed how much I looked at him. Still.
It's hilarious how I am craving to be looked at by him.
“I used to be crazy about computers when I was a kid.”
That's what he said when I passed from him to the dining, talking to someone.
I had decided something today.
I will take computer science as my major, making myself an idiot that I am because I didn't like them. I didn't know anything about computers except. “Computer is an electronic device.”
Entry 02:
25/06/2021
Friday
Tomorrow is my first day at the university. After my finals of my 2nd PUC exams, I wasn't confused anymore. I was taking computer science though I had commerce with history in my higher education. The other day I asked Papa about him.
“He is a fine man. Knows his goals and values. Live up to it. Always respectful. He is just twenty four I guess… Why would you ask?”
“I heard a lot about him there… What's his name again.”
I am sorry I can't write his name in my diary. Somebody might read.
Entry 03:
08/11/2021
Monday
He looked at me.
He looked at me!
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