Falling Through

I used to have courage,

No longer self esteemed.

Nobody wants commitment,

I don't know what they mean.

For the longest time,

I tried to understand.

I thought I'd made a breakthrough,

But now I've lost the upper hand.

I used to be smart,

I had everything figured out.

I thought I knew everything,

Then my life got thrown about.

My mistake was made,

And I still live to regret it.

My exterior told me

Not to sweat it...

But those moments still haunt me,

Every time I try again.

Nothing will ever work,

Though I knew it wouldn't then.

If you think you a "playa",

Then this won't ring a bell.

Don't toy with someone's heart,

It'll put them to hell.

Maybe from a distance,

It looks like I caused the quake.

But if you knew what happened,

Then you'd know it no mistake.

I was getting tired,

Of you doing whatever.

I thought it would pass,

But this was quite the endeavor.

I thought I could hold on,

To you, moving fast.

But then I realized that,

"This too, shall pass."

I'm actually not that stupid,

I'm quite smart enough.

I knew you couldn't see it,

But you'd finally called my bluff.

I wanted a dream that lasted

I thought I'd be with you forever.

I thought it would be you-

I didn't want it over; never.

Oh and by the way,

I started writing a song.

But once I started, I realized-

I've been singing all along.

Maybe one day you'll hear it;

Trust me- you'll know.

This was never about attention;

This wasn't just some show.

Been broadcasting all along-

My very own frequency.

I thought there would be no one

But there's been a change recently.

I'd thought I'd found someone,

Who listens to every station.

I thought I could communicate;

But I've lost them from formation.

She wasn't never a lover,

She was always an ear.

It was someone who could listen;

Someone who could hear!

I've never felt I belong,

I'm still searching for my abode.

Hey, who knows,

Maybe someone will catch the code.

Now you'll definitely realize,

This song is about you.

Nothing magic about it;

And one day I'll accept it too...