Holden confronts Jane(Added Scene) The Catcher in the Rye Fanfiction

Holden Confronts Jane

A punching bag is hanging from the ceiling amongst several others. The bag is used as a target for one's frustrations. At some point the bag breaks and all the sand inside falls out. I'm that grain of sand. The one person who understood me is no longer in my life. I'm also scared to talk to my best friend. Not because she might not be my friend anymore but because she's changed and that level of innocence that she had before, that WE had before, is gone.

I stand up from the park bench and decide to go visit Jane. I know the way to Jane's house like the back of my mind but for some reason I'm pulling up the gps on my phone. Thirty minutes later I end up at her front gate. My body is stiff, and I can't seem to open the gate. "I'm not a phony". I say to myself. 

I push open the gate and walk towards the door. This is a chance to make things right, maybe she won't be as different as I think, maybe she will still be my friend. I decide it's best I call her first so that her parents don't answer the door. I pull out my phone and ring her number up. I pace back and forth on her porch as the phone rings.

"Hello?" says a voice on the other end. "Who is this?" the voice says again. I freeze. Jane picked up the phone. "Hi," I say plainly. "Hii?" Jane says confused.

"Oh umm, this is Holden" I say. "Holden?!" Jane sounds surprised. "Yeah, umm I'm outside your house on the porch, could we talk?" I say nervously.

All goes quiet, there's complete silence. She hangs up the phone. Damn it. She doesn't want to talk. She probably hates me now. Why would she want to talk to me? I start to walk away when the front door opens and Jane steps out. "I thought you'd never ask" she says smiling.

She walks over to her swing bench on the porch, sits down and pats the seat next to her. I walk over and sit down next to her, hands in my lap. 

"So, what did you want to talk about?" she asks. I brush a hand through my hair and take a deep breath. 

"What I'm going to say might be hard to hear, or maybe not at all but I need you just to listen, okay?" I say. Patiently waiting, she nods and I continue.

 "Jane, I missed you. I missed hanging out with you in our front yards, and I regret leaving our friendship. I regret that I lost contact with you." I say loudly. I put a hand over my mouth shocked by what I just said and how stern I said it. I wait for her to answer looking at my shoes, and then turn to look at her. She has a frown on her face.

 "Holden, I-I don't know what to say. I missed you too." Jane says nervously. I chuckle, and I feel water coming out the edges of my eyes. 

"It's not your fault. It's mine, I shut you out, I moved away to a phony school, I hid from you, I hid from everyone and everything after Allie's death because I thought that would numb the pain."

 Tears stream down my face, and my body shivers. "But I really wanted you, I wanted to tell you how I felt, that I hated myself, that I had so much pressure on me to be someone I'm not, that I would pretend to be that person. But I'm not, and I'm not doing well. I just needed you back." I gulped in a big breath. I sigh and continue. 

"Part of me thought you would change, and wouldn't accept me or want me." I pause. "A-As a friend." I say quickly and she nods.

 "I'm so scared to open up, gosh I don't even know why I came, you probably don't even want to help." I sniffle. Jane sighs and lifts my chin so she can see my teary face.

 "I'm glad you came Holden," she says. Relief swells inside me and I crack a small smile. I reach to hug her and she squeezes me tight.

We stay like that for awhile, just sitting and hugging and treasuring up this long awaited moment. She pulls back and resumes to her plain, serious tone. I realize that I came to talk to her, so I start to open my mouth but before I can, she's speaking.