"What if I never want to?" His voice is muffled by the fabric of her shirt, Josh's face pressed against her stomach as she runs her fingers through his hair.
"Never want to what?" She asks looking down at the boy still hiding the blush rising on his face. He wraps his hands in her shirt to keep them from shaking, heart pounding in his chest. He doesn't even know what to answer, how to say this. The last thing he wants is to disappoint any of them, but what if he's not enough, what if he doesn't like it, what if... Jaden doesn't want him. "Josh? What is it?"
"What if I'm never ready like... For Jaden?" What if he never wants to? What if he's never ready? What if he is and he doesn't like it? What if it hurts? He zones out, words rushing through his mind. She takes his chin between her fingers, moving his head to force him to look at her.
There's a reassuring smile on her face, one he desperately wants to kiss away but doesn't. "It doesn't matter. You don't have to have sex with him, to bottom for Jaden to love you. You don't have to like both or try both to be valid and even less to get Jaden to love you." He lets the words sink in, let them ease the panic inside of him, the doubts and fears
He's wanted it for a while, thought about it a lot more over the last week, trying to get over all his fears and doubts. He needed, though, to understand that he was doing this for himself, because he wanted to and not because Jaden asked. He needed to understand that, because he didn't want to regret it, for himself and for the guilt to would eat Jaden up if he did this for him and hated it or regretted it. But he does want it.
He knew, deep down, that Jaden would love him even if he wasn't into it, even if he never wanted to try bottoming, but hearing it from her puts his mind to ease, makes his anxiety settles.
And once all of that comes down, he wants Jaden more than he ever did.
He finally kisses the smile away from her lips.
She lets it escalate, lets him lead the pace into a dirty one. She pushes back against him, letting his tongue stroke hers, a little moan escaping the back of her throat. He smiles against her, fingers digging in her waist as hers explore the skin under his shirt.
He finally pulls back, mouth sliding to her neck sucking and biting the skin.
She pushes him away once both her hands find his chest. He gets the hint, pulling off his shirt and letting it fall onto the floor before catching her lips with his once more. He pulls her body closer to his, thrusting their hips together.
She somehow gets rid of her shirt, switching their place so she would be on top, her legs bracketing his hips. "When's he coming back?" Josh asks breathlessly, fingers gripping the flesh of her thighs.
"Don't know, like 5-10 minutes. He was on his way home like half an hour ago." She answers, panting just as much as her boyfriend. She bites hard down her bottom lip, hint of confusion in her face.
"You could help me before he comes home just like you helped him the other time?" She frowns, confused for a few seconds before it dawns on her. He wants her to prep him before Jay comes home so he would be ready for him.
"What Josh..." He wasn't ready 30 seconds ago, why now?
"No, I..." He smiles up at her, thumb rubbing soothing circles on her skin. "I just needed to be reassured, to... I'm ready, I want to... So fucking bad." She believes the desperation she can hear in his voice. She nods her head slowly, nails raking down his chest as she thinks about how she's going to do this.
They both lose all of their clothes before she asks him to lay on his back. She pushes his legs open, noticing how uncomfortable the boy gets as she does so, leaving him exposed. "You're still sure?"
YOU ARE READING
I've seen you (JadenxReaderxJosh)
FanficJaden's been supportive, just as much as Josh has been. Josh Richards, their roommate and Jaden's best friend. She doesn't know what she would do without both of them. And maybe that's the problem. She wouldn't trade her life for anything in the wor...
