The Norwegian Queen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

To say the least I was panicking was an understatement. Although, I remained poised for my own sanity and the camp’s sanity. I found comfort in knowing that other men are missing as well. That they are in the city with Hvitserk right now and they are protecting their King at all costs. My mind became sick and worried of the ideas that could be happening right now. I paced my tent for seemingly for seconds, but it felt like hours. 

Cnut has been pushing me to continue my work and to worry about the army. I’m alone leading them, I’m without Hvitserk’s reinsurance. Cnut has never steered me wrong, to the best of my abilities, I pushed my worry aside and focused on our small concuel meeting. I had the slightest hope Hvitserk would walk in the tent, unharmed at least. I sat very still in my chair as Cnut discussed our options after hearing a couple of scouts have gone and saw the gates of the city are left open and unarmed.

“Anah…” Cnut said, looking at me softly. I looked over to him, snapping out of my daze. 

“Yes?”

“Have you been listening?” He asked.

“Um, yes, Cnut- you are smart…” I said, “What do you think we should do?” Gunnar stood in the corner with his arms crossed, listening immensely. 

“I say we go in there with a large number of our army and take back our King and the rest of our soldiers…” Cnut said.

Best idea I’ve heard all day.

“The city has been quiet…” Gunnar said, “We feel it’s abandoned.” 

“Who says it is?” Cnut said, turning to Gunnar.

“It’s been quiet!” Gunnar said, sternly.

“Let’s put our suspensions to rest then…” I said, slowly nervously tapping my fingers. “Cnut and Gunnar you will go together tonight…” “Bring back our people…” I said, getting up.

“Bring back my husband.” 

My zest to live and to walk about the Earth in which the Gods have placed me has vanished. The colors around me grew dull and time seemed to simply stay still. I will find comfort in one place, knowing I can’t stay in it for long, and I would dread when I would need to move from the place. My work is constantly left unfinished. My bed brings me comfort, but yet it is still very cold. The only warmth I feel is the hot tears down my face. Still, I remain hopeful it is the light in my clouded mind that burns brightly.

When I cry, the pain is absolutely unbearable. The worry, fear, and stress comes out in the tears. The fear of loss and mourning overflows within me and flows out of my eyes. I have no one to comfort me or to even show me comfort. I do not know comfort. I never felt it. The only comfort I ever had was when I was with Ivar. I struggled to remember his warm hugs and his soothing voice when he talked to me gently. 

“Ivar…” I cried. “Comfort me.” My lips trembled against each other.

“Come to me, brother.” 

“Wise one?” I asked, “Oh, Wise One…” “Please send me a sign…” my voice hushed low so no one is to hear my painful cries. 

My mind took a break from thinking of this time of my life and went to a gentle place in Wessex. I welcome the smell of munur and old mud. I found a sense of peace in me despite my ever longing battle of wanting to fulfill my destiny. Attending church with Hvitserk-Athestalan- Oh, if I would gladly and proudly call him Athestalan again. The smell of barely bread baking next to the sweet bread. I will give up everything right now to have that life and never go for wanting for anything else again.