Caleb’s hands were shaking, reflecting how jarred he felt. He braced them on the edges of the sink and stared into the dingy refresher mirror. His reflection stared back, he looked as bad as he felt. He hadn’t slept in-he didn’t know how long- and had no appetite.
His eyes flicked to the padawan braid dangling next to his face and he felt bile rise. He kept repeating to himself that it was too conspicuous, the last two transports he had boarded had been from rainy planets at night when no one questioned a raised hood on a cloak, but he couldn’t hide it forever.
To add insult to injury, the puny public refresher didn’t have enough room to safely ignite and maneuver a lightsaber. He couldn’t even perform that tradition. Was there any other part of his apprenticeship left to blaspheme?
He pulled out a vibroshiv, and held it next to the length, willing himself to believe that because it would hopefully prolong his survival, it would be what his master wanted. Thinking of his master brought echoes of the staccato ring of blasterfire to his ears and a wave of emotional agony. He tried to push the emotions into the force, but only succeeded in inducing nausea.
He heaved into the sink and stood with his eyes shut until the phantom sensations and ache of misery subsided. Harsh hammering at the door jolted him into action, his eyes snapped open and he yanked the braid taut with a fist. He held the vibroshiv as close to his ear as he dared and began shearing off the plait. The strands split slowly and one end of the limp length draped over his clenched hand was frayed.
Blinking back tears, he tied the loose end and jammed the braid into a wad in his pocket. He supposed he’d have to meditate on his emotions about it later. If he ever got a moment of peace.
Shoving the vibroshiv into his bag, and with one last glance at his now altered reflection, Caleb exited the refresher. He brushed past the irate line of beings, trying to appear casual as he found a shadowed seat in the back and drew his knees up to embrace. Staring out into space, he realized how finalized the end of the Jedi was.
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Pre-Rebels Kanan stories
FanfictionStar Wars rebels ficlet. I expanded on a tumblr post I made "i was thinking about how much emphasis Kanan put on connecting with animals using the force, and started imagining young Caleb in the early days of the empire, mostly alone, and connecting...
