Wanna come over? (Atsushi x Akutagawa- fanfic) 18+ smut/lemon

The "Talk"

Not me about to ruin their relationship hehehehehe 😎😏
Oh and little side note I haven't finished watching the anime so my knowledge isn't too extensive so yh just wanted to say that. Also I might continue this for a little longer than a few chapters if I have a good enough plot to stick to.

###Atsushis POV:

The atmosphere felt heavy as tension and awkwardness began to weigh down on me as though gravity was pulling me towards the ground. I tried to sit up straight, my aching back protested but I managed, " W-what exactly about yesterday do you want to talk about..." I stuttered out, as I suppressed any inappropriate memories.

" I don't know all of it, but mainly I want to know where we stand."
Where we stand huh, I thought to myself. I mean I was pretty sure I felt as though I had feelings for him, but I mean yesterday's situation was a little... you know. Ugh, I knew I had feelings for him that was a fact, however what type of feelings those were wasn't something I was sure of yet. I mean we had sex- hot, passionate sex but still it was just sex. God, I didn't know what to say as I felt his gaze bore into me and the pressure to say something, literally anything began sending my mind into overdrive. 

A subtle pain in my head made realise  that I now had a headache - great, I guess back pain wasn't enough. A sigh escaped my mouth as my own body and mind began to torture me.

"Akutagawa," You could see that he visually perked up, as all his attention was once again directed right at me, " I- about yesterday I feel something. I'm not sure if I can- no if I want to label what that feeling is. You are special to me you should know that, but I'm not sure if you're that kind of special to me..." His expression went cold and his eyes seemed to widen before narrowing down and I immediately rethought everything I had just said, trying to figure out what I said wrong when he spoke.

"So, you slept with me last night because what? Heh, you were confused? Why did you even sleep with me, when you don't even know how you feel?" He had a broken smile across his face and was practically trembling by the end of it and the pain that coated each word, was like a dagger piercing through my heart.

His words began to echo in my mind as I began to think if this was all my fault, why did his words hurt me so much? Memories from the orphanage began flooding into my mind. I could feel tears gather in my eyes as I felt a deep pain inside my heart and I  wanted to say something, I opened my mouth but words didn't seem to come out. I wanted to comfort him to calm him down but what could I do when I myself wasn't - was it too much to expect a proper conversation. I tried to calm myself down, I thought he wanted me to be honest with him but it just seems as though he was expecting an answer that would've satisfied him. The tears began to flow from my eyes and I immediately hung my head and wiped them away.

"What was I even expecting? Where are my clothes? Wait, nevermind I'll find them myself."

I tried to keep my voice from trembling but my shivering body gave away my obviously shaken state. It seemed Akutagawa realised too as he restrained himself from carrying on. I rushed to stand up but my legs said otherwise as I almost fell back into the chair, but I didn't want to stay here any longer.
I got up despite my body screaming at me not to and practically limped over to the bathroom where I had left my clothes folded on top of the laundry baskets lid. I changed as fast as I could and as soon as I had finished I rushed to leave the house. But of course he wasn't going to let me go that easily,

"Atsushi, you can't walk straight you're not fit to get yourself back home in your current state." He said as matter of fact, while putting on such an indifferent expression. I couldn't help but scoff,

"You do know your responsible for my current state right and either way why should you care about anything to do with me."

"Atsushi, you might not have considered this anything special but trust me I did, and although I hate to right now I can't help caring about you."

For a second my heart wavered when his pain became evident on his face as he said that, but I also had feelings and I wanted to leave before the atmosphere became anymore suffocating. I turned away from him and headed straight for the door and as soon as I was out I slammed it behind me and leaned on the wall for support as I breathed. The pain from moving and the tears I had wiped away before seemed to have resurfaced but this time I let them flow.

###Akutagawa's POV:

The door slammed behind him and I fell to my knees, defeated. My eyes filled with tears as I thought, what have I done?

Shit. I was the one who asked him about this, why was I so disappointed when he said that!? Was I seriously expecting everything to go perfectly? God, what was wrong with me I just wanted- I just wanted him to see me as someone who he could be with, he even said that I was special to him but of course I still found a way to fuck that up just because of my worthless selfishness. I gritted my teeth as I clenched my hands into fists.

The tears were streaming down my face now and my expression had completely fallen apart as I became a mess of tears and painful crys. I tried to stifle my voice to the best of my abilities but my efforts seemed to be completely wasted as my voice got louder and the streams of tears began to overflow. I felt the emotional torture scrape at me from every angle as I brought my knees closer to my stomach and sat there curled up on the floor as the sun's rays shone mockingly on me as though to remind of how truly pathetic I was in that moment as I let my emotions run loose.

Oml bitch look at me actually updating two consecutive days in a row, anyway I just wanted to say that I have decided on a plot which I will stick to from now on so you can expect me to update quite frequently ( no promises though ) but yh and dw there are happy moments to come so not everything is gonna be sad from this point. Also sorry if its not as good as when I'm writing smut because I'm not used to writing angst just saying ahead of time. I'll try to deliver good quality writing for yall to enjoy and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story! 😊