Highest ranking
#1 in utopia
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"It's about how your hips move," the hand that sits on my waist finds my hip, his fingertips trailing lightly along the fabric of my skirt. "When you arch your spine," he continues on, letting that same hand migrate...
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Much against my desires, I spend this morning readying for my brunch with Eason.
It's quite a bitter morning, but my balcony doors remain ajar to allow for a through breeze, in the hopes it'll help dissolve this suffocating tension that sits among my maids and I. Really, I feel quite awful. None of this is their doing, yet they must tolerate my rather irritable attitude and my arrogant retorts.
Zaveri has me dress in a tight fitted, chocolate high neck top, one that, for the first time since last night, makes me smile slightly. Only because the colour is quite similar to that of Kian's hair, a connection which only draws me to my experience of yesterday. If anything can see me through today, it's clinging to those fresh memories.
It's matched with a midi-pleated skirt, soft beige to correspond with the reefer draped over my shoulders. I could quite easily scoff upon seeing my reflection – I look almost identical to my mother. Something tells me the girls have been told to work towards such ambition.
With the wind being as brutal as it is, Margot styles my hair accordingly. A low twisted bun, protected by a satin hair scarf – a blur of deep chocolates, sunshine yellows and pale beiges – tied loosely over my head. She offers me a pair of dark rimmed sunglasses which I take from her with a sigh, placing them on my uppermost head.
"I suppose I had better get going, then." I murmur to the pair of them. They offer me sad smiles, dejected simply by the drastic change in my mood. Had it only been yesterday that I was shopping in the low level marketplace, grinning ear to ear? Drinking and dancing till my feet ached and my head fuzzed. I wish I could understand how twenty-four hours is enough time for my perception on everything to be altered so radically. It seems completely ludicrous how one person can make me question just how much I truly enjoy my life as it is.
Right now, this life isn't what I want. Dressing to meet with a man I know is destined, with my agreement or not, to be my husband. Living with parents that don't care for my opinion, just as much as they don't care to raise a hand to me should I dare to deviate.
Something has surfaced. The want to explore and retain my freedom. The want to dance to songs that all sound so different and bring forth emotions simply from the words they sing. The want to experience intimacy without feeling as though it's forbidden. The want to laugh because I'm happy and smile because I'm content. Right now, I have everything, more than I could ever dream to have, but I still feel a hollow cavity gaping in my chest.
Seeing how they live, I realise now, I was happy because I knew no different. Perhaps blind ignorance truly is bliss.
"There is a car waiting for you in the entranceway," Margot tells me. I curtsy to the pair of them and then turn out of my room, accompanied only by the click of the heels of my sock boots.
As I reach the foyer, I see that both my parents are waiting for me. They're not due to join me, considering this is them handing the responsibility of me off to someone else, but I know they'll want to see me off, knowing quite well if they didn't, I'd run in the opposite direction.
