Just A Crush

Chapter 1: Choosing You, Before Me

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Tokatti wiped his glasses continuously, trying to not hyperventilate. Fidgeting with his hair, he looked at himself in the mirror one last time before making his way out of his house.

"Calm yourself Tokatti. You can do this... you can do this." The words came out sounding wheezy, and he nearly tripped, wincing. "You can do it."

Today was the day Tokatti had been waiting for. It took forever in the making. He had talked to Kagura about his feelings, going back and forth between what was right and wrong, but Tokatti decided to make a firm decision. Screw the letter, the formalities, he would have to make it work.  

Today was the day he was going confess to his close friend, who after years of friendship, made his feelings grow for her. Mio was someone who turned very special to him.

She was kind. That was one thing he admired about her. She put others before herself, which at one point made him frustrated. She was always hurting, but kept to herself, drowning in grief. He wanted to be a shoulder she could lean on, just like she was for him. But that wasn't the only reason.

There were a million things he could list about why he liked her, but he couldn't list them all. Why? There were too many — and even if he was able to, it still wouldn't be enough to justify his love for her.

Love.

Love, is such a strong emotion, such a strong word that he was taken aback when he learned that it wasn't just a admiration for her, an infatuation. It took him a while to get used to the word, let it roll off of his tongue.

He was in love. It wasn't a crush, not puppy love, but something more. 

Falling in love was like rain. Sometimes, it was the soft pitter patter outside, gently knocking the onto the door of his heart, slowly opening it up. Then there was the pouring, the feelings endless, poignant and strong as it took over all senses. Thunder, the days of doubt — but lightening always accompanied it, the sliver of hope still keeping him whole. The overwhelming sense of it all at once, the fondness that rose at just the sight her. It was as beautiful as it was terrifying, but the sense of just seeing her, and knowing it was her made him fulfilled. And that's what Tokatti learned.

Tokatti snapped out of his musings, slowing down as he reached the bridge where they were to meet. There Mio stood, dressed in her usual yellow shearling lined corduroy jacket over a blue striped shirt with a large printed red M. It was paired along with shorts and patterned tights, something she said made her feel like her mother was still with her. Mio said it was weird — a core memory of how her mother cared for her — a pair of tights to keep her warm. Her hickory colored ankle boots was a gift he had given her two years prior, and he felt warm on the inside. Her hand was lifted up towards the star charm on her necklace, face serene.

Tokatti started to feel self conscious, so he started to adjust his blue striped bow tie over his pressed white button up shirt, into his vest. Some people might say he over dresses, but he liked to believe that the style made him a little more confident in himself — like he had everything together. He straightened out his blue pea coat and felt his patterned cuffed pants for a box. When Tokatti felt it, he kicked his chukkas against the cement and hopped a few times to loosen his nerves. His ring was a heavy weight on his finger, but adjusting it helped with his jittery nerves.

"Let's do this. You have nothing to lose."

Though really, he had everything to lose.

Walking closer to Mio, he saw how her face lit up in his presence. He gave her a huge smile, waving his hand. Once he arrived beside her, they both looked down at the ocean below, and crashing waves brought a mellifluous ring to their ears.