Anyway, let's try again!
(The doctor will see you now)
Say
Ah! x14
Don't pull away
You're making things worse
I should know
'Cause I'm the surgeon here
Don't be afraid
I've given you everything
All the teeth that I pull
Are mine to keep
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: homophobia, slurs, and general douchebaggery
Schlatt had his laptop propped open and displaying the movie Dodgeball, which he was watching curled up next to Wilbur on the couch.
Ok dodgeball is actually a REALLY funny movie i suggest it dw there's a hot af bi girl there
"'American Dodgeball Association of America,'" Schlatt snickered, then nudged Wilbur when he noticed that he was the only one focusing. "C'mon, Wilby. Our eco teacher finally got high enough so we're allowed to watch a movie if it relates to business and the economy in some major way and then write a report on it."
Lmao i was thinkiing of making schlatt say something about maybe that being the reason his mom was still paying for his hulu account but nah-
"Sorry," Wilbur apologized, trying to focus on the movie. They watched it in silence for about 5 minutes before Wilbur's phone started ringing.
"Dad? What's wrong?"
"Will, would you mind picking up Tommy and Tubbo from school and watching them for about an hour or so? I've got work and Techno's busy."
Wilbur huffed. "But I'm busy."
"You're with Schlatt?"
"Yeah, and we're watching-," He put the phone down momentarily and whispered, "Schlatt, what's this movie called again?"
"Dodgeball," Schlatt whispered back.
"Thanks," he smiled appreciatively. "We're watching Dodgeball. So, like, there's this group of people that have a gym-,"
"I've seen it before. Please, Wilbur. It would mean a lot."
Wilbur chewed his lip. "Well-,"
Grabbing the phone from him, Schlatt smirked. "Heeeeeeeey, Will's father! I would be utterly delighted to babysit your son and his friend."
"Schlatt!" Wilbur whisper-shouted. "Give that back, you asshole!"
Schlatt only stuck out his tongue and pulled on his left cheek with the index finger of his free hand. "Yeah, he's doing good. I think he has yet to understand that Ben Stiller's playing the bad guy. I know, it's a shame. Anyway, we'll go get 'em now!"
Burying his face in his hands, Wilbur shook his head. "Oh my fucking god. Why have I not broken up with you yet?"
"Becaaaaauuuse, Wilby," Schlatt hugged him from behind. "I'm cool. And handsome. And I'm the only cool handsome gay guy in this town."
"Goddamnit, you're an asshole whenever you're right."
"Huh?" Schlatt seemed surprised. "But I'm always right...wait."
Now it was Wilbur who was laughing. "YOU WALKED RIGHT INTO THAT ONE, BUDDY!"
"OH, SHUT YOUR TRAP, DICKHEAD!!"
Cackling and teasing each other, the pair tied on their shoes and stepped out onto the sidewalk.
Taking Wilbur's hand in his own, Schlatt started to skip, forcing Wilbur to either skip with him or jog slightly to keep pace.
"What are you, six?" Snickered Wilbur as he chose the more dignified slightly jogging pace.
"Nuh-uh!" Schlatt fake-pouted. "You, sir, are being very discriminatory against me based on my manner of skipping down the sidewalk. It's a shame that I'm dating someone who is prone to such blatant bigotry."
"Fuck off. You know very well what I mea-."
"HEY, FAGS!"
The two stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. Looking around, they saw someone in a blue pickup truck shouting at them.
"FAGGOTS!"
Schlatt clenched Wilbur's fist to the point where it almost hurt. "GO FUCK YOURSELF, ASSWIPE." He yelled, not even caring that some old lady inhaled sharply.
"Schlatt," Wilbur said gently, pulling his back from his slight daze of anger. "Let's go."
"Fine," he spat, jerking Wilbur next to him. They were silent the rest of the way.
Smh guys let's just get our pride pins and flags and fucking poke and strangle that dickface to death >:D
When they arrived at the school, Schlatt saw Tommy and Tubbo almost immediately and started sneaking up behind them. They appeared not to notice him as they explained something that seemed very in-depth to a tall boy who looked to be about 7 with white and black hair.
"-And then you gotta look expressionless and not show emotion and then you can put down money but you don't have to and then the dealer puts down ANOTHER card in the middle or they tell you to show all your cards and whoever has the best cards wins-," Tommy said confidently, despite the fact he was repeating what Schlatt himself had told him about poker and Tommy had never played it before.
Grinning slyly, Schlatt started sneaking up behind the three children and exclaimed, "GUESS WHICH POGCHAMP GETS TO BABYSIT YOU TODAY!"
Dude we stan babysitter Schlatt tho
"Slat!" The happy screeches hurt Wilbur's ears to the point where he took a step back, shooting a pointed look at Schlatt.
Haha today I couldn't fucking say "schlatt" so i was just sitting there at lunch trying to fucking say his name while my friend was just looking at me like: "what the actual fuck-"
Sticking his tongue out, the hybrid grabbed Tommy's right hand, who was starting to reach up to grab one of his horns.
"Sorry, kiddo. I can't carry you today."
"Why?"
"'Cause he's fat," Wilbur cut in matter-of-factly.
"What?" Schlatt stared at him, his face a mask of shock. "I am NOT fat!"
Wilbur shrugged, then grabbed the dumbstruck ram-person's hand, not letting go once on the way back home to watch Vince Vaughn.
A/n: holy fuck guys this took me like 5 days to write uhhhh- anyway during science i started a ✨pretty poggers✨ drawing of dad schlatt with Tubbo on his shoulders aa
