broken strings - ARM pt.1

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When we met, I was on my first year of Medicine in college. The mom of a friend of mine was invited to the Silverstone GP, and they asked me if I wanted to go with them, since I was a massive Formula 1 fan. 

We met in the paddock. He was running away from Callum Ilott and he hided himself behind me and my friend.
Callum saw him of course, and started talking to us pretending he wasn't there. Marcus eventually got up, and introduced himself.
We took a picture with him, and later I posted it on social media. He responded to my story, and we ended up talking all night.

Time passed, one thing led to another, and we started dating in the middle of my first year of college. That year he finished 13th on the championship.

On my third year of college, he finished 2nd on the Formula 2 Championship, and got promoted to Formula 1 with Alfa Romeo.

It wasn't easy, you know? It was hard to consiliate everything. It was hard to focus in the right things. But I did it. I did it, and I still do.

Now I'm on my sixth and final year of college, and Marcus announced a month ago that he was leaving Alfa Romeo to join Ferrari, after the unexpected move from Mick Schumacher to move to Mercedes instead of Ferrari.

Today the season finished, and I'm waiting for Marcus outside of Alfa's hospitality.
Since that the announcement of his move to Ferrari, he has been distant. But, maybe it's normal right? After all, he's moving to Ferrari.

I hear a door opening, and I turn around to see Marcus coming down the stairs. I smile, and he looks to me with a closed face. He stops standing about two meters away from me.

"Marcus? What's wrong?" I ask him.

"You know that, moving to Ferrari will be one of the most important steps of my carrer right?" he says.

You know when, you just know what is going to happen next?

I know what's gonna happen.

"Yes I know." I say looking to the sky, and then to him. I think he knows, that I know.

"I'm really sorry." See? "But I'm gonna need to be fully focused on it."

He stares at the floor.

"I don't want to give up on us but..." he looks to me again. "You know how much I want it, and how hard I worked for this."

He looks to the floor again.

"I'm not saying that we need to break it all off, maybe we still ca-"

"No Marcus. No. I don't want that."

"What?!"

"Or it is, or it isn't."

"Really!? Are you really giving up this easily?"

"The hell did you just said?" Did he really just said that? "You're joking right?"

"No, I'm being really serious."

"How can you say that?" My eyes are starting to tear up. "I am the last person you can say, that gave up." My voice cracks in the middle of the phrase.

"Did I gave up, when stories started to being told about me? No. Did I gave up when I started to recieve free-hate messages during all our relationship? No. Did I gave up when I had all of my damn college exams? Exams that would influence my damn future, and my carrer, that just for the record, I've been working my ass off all my life? NO. Did I ever gave up on us in the middle of everything of that? NO. NO I DIDN'T. SO DON'T YOU DARE, TO SAY THAT I'M GIVING UP. BECAUSE IF THERE'S SOMEONE THAT'S GIVING UP, THAT SOMEONE IS YOU!"

The silence gets between us. The silence is hurting me even more. He just did something that I've never allowed anyone to do.

He broke me.

"There's nothing left to save." I say. "Goodbye Marcus. Good luck with Ferrari."

And I turn around to leave a part of me.


[ broken strings - james morrison ft. nelly furtado ]
697 words
©️ Joana Fernandes Salvador, 2021

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Hi! Should I write a part two?!

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