Infinite

The metamorphosis

Seeds of doubt... once sowed are hard to remove. 

He had felt silly for even thinking that his brother was capable of harming anything and anyone. He had felt stupid. 

The love he felt for him overshadowed everything else he had ever done. 

He loved Lan Wangji. Always had and always will. 

He has always been the understanding one among the Lan brothers. Everyone said so. His uncle had said so before deciding to hand the company over to him. The vote to have him as the CEO was completely unanimous and no one even challenged it. It was the perfect match. 

But no one knew........

No one knew the things going on inside his head.....

Everyone saw the smiles. The laughter. The jokes he made to make everyone else laugh. The expensive suits, champagne and mansions that he resided in. His perfect skin and almost perfect hair. His very expensive collection of vintage swords and fine Italian suits... with exquisite leather oxford shoes. 

His publicist had made him get those. Said it added class and made his business partners happy. 

He hated them. They revolted him. 

He hated everything expensive that he owned for public appearances. 

They grew up with enough. But never with too much. His mother had taught him the importance of simplicity and humility. His clan never engaged in over the top accessories as they did not believe in wealth. Everything they got was used in building institutions, schools and music academies. And a large chunk of that went to multiple charities that they ran. 

He never owned expensive things. He was never dropped to school in a car. He remembered walking to school with his brother and getting him to talk. 

He remembered how Lan Wangji had shut himself into himself when their mother had passed away. 

His brother says that those days were a hazy memory to him. 

Not to him.... Not to him!

He remembered everything about that night clearly. He remembered walking through those hospital walls praying to the gods to keep his mother safe. The gods did not heed his request. 
She had passed away even before he could say 'goodbye'.....

It destroyed him yet, he had gathered Lan Wangji into his arms and comforted the crying boy all night. He repeated 'it's going to be alright' again and again... yet never believing a word of it himself. He had stayed strong and listened to his Uncle's instructions when it came to the funeral preparations. 

She was not buried in the family cemetery. But somewhere far away in northern China in a small village where she grew up.

Even in death, she was shunned. 

His father did not come. 

Not even to the funeral. 

He remembered handling the funeral preparations with his uncle and no one even came to help him. No one comforted him. No one asked him if HE was okay...

He had ALWAYS been the one staying strong for the rest of the world, while the rest of word had not even turned to look back at him at the cusp of breaking down... yet unable to do so because he had a clan to lead. A company to run and a brother to raise... In consoling his brother he had found some peace... But then... Lan Wangji started shutting him out. The conversations became scarce and the smiles even scarcer. 

He grew up into a cold adult who expressed almost nothing. His brother became someone else he did not recognise sometimes...

He had said nothing. He had not asked for more.