seventeen: sign it
WALA AKO SA SARILI KO NITONG MGA NAKARAANG ARAW. And I know Yzriel noticed how I space out and eat less. He thinks it's about Snow.
But it's not. It's our marriage.
Dad wants me to get a divorce with Yzriel immediately. I sighed before pulling my hair again. This is what I wanted naman, 'di ba? I want us to get divorced even before we got married. Bakit ngayon, sobrang hirap nang pakawalan siya?
Ayoko. Ayokong pirmahan 'yon.
But I know I can't disobey dad. I'm all of a bitch but I can't disobey him, ever. Hindi ako natatakot sa kaniya, I just can't because mom wants me to follow him and his orders.
Lumabas ako ng office ko at nagtungo sa rooftop. I took out a stick of cigarette before lighting it. I scrolled through my social media and saw something on the news.
"Model, Carina Klein spotted with a mysterious man on the last weeks of March."
Ito na nga ba ang kinatatakutan ko. It was the day when he picked me up at my apartment's parking area. I know something was off. Binasa ko ang article, it was all fake- maybe not all. But most of the information was made up to get more readers.
I sighed before puffing out the smoke of my cigarette. Nakita rin kami sa party ni Kio sa Batangas, good thing hindi clear ang photo. It was at the lounge.
Ano pa bang mangyayari ngayon? Can I even take a break from all of this shit?
Inubos ko ang sigarilyo ko bago bumalik sa trabaho. My mind is not inside my head again, it's all over the place. Napansin 'yon ni Chelsea kaya kinancel niya ang mga meetings ko para makapagpahinga ako.
"Pagaling kayo, madam. Ako na po bahala dito." She flashed her bright smile. I nodded before entering the elevator. Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses akong bumuntong hininga hanggang sa makauwi sa bahay.
Of course, walang tao. Sa tingin ko ay late uuwi si Yzriel ngayon. I can't face him right now when my thoughts are clouded with a piece of paper.
Kinuha ko ang divorce papers na nakafold sa bag ko. I stared at it for a long time that I didn't notice my tears streaming down my face. Binitawan ko agad ang papel para hindi mabasa ng luha ko. I wiped my tears with my hands but it kept on falling from my eyes. Tumayo na lang ako at nagtungo sa shower para maligo, nagbabakasakaling mahimasmasan.
But it was the opposite. I cried harder inside the bathroom. I fell on my knees and hugged my knees as I cry.
Hindi ko kaya... This is torture...
I don't want to marry anyone other than Yzriel. I don't want another surname other than Suarez. I don't want to wear another ring without his name engraved next to my name. I don't want to dress in another gown if he's not the man I'll be facing. I don't want to sleep next to another man other than him. I don't want to live with anyone other than my husband.
Ayoko. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kakayanin.
I stepped out of the shower with my red eyes and nose. I feel so tired bawling my eyes out in the shower. Nagpalit ako ng comfortable na damit bago humiga sa kama at tumitig sa kisame hanggang sa makatulog ako.
NAGISING AKO DAHIL MAY NARAMDAMAN AKONG HUMAHAWI SA BUHOK KO. And there, I saw Yzriel fixing my baby hairs. Naka pambahay na siya at may maliit na ngiti.
"Good morning," Nanlaki ang mata ko dahil doon bago tumingin sa labas. Hinampas ko siya dahil gabi pa naman. Ang lakas tuloy ng tawa niya.
"You're so annoying!" Umupo ako at sinandal ang likod sa headboard. Tumatawa pa rin siya kaya binato ko siya ng unan na hindi niya nailagan. Ako naman ang tumawa ngayon.
BINABASA MO ANG
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