A life time ago

Chapter 3

As Elliot and I arrive at the dinner we immediately sat in a booth; a booth that seemed so familiar but so different. I havnt been here since he left, it was our place.
"Olivia" Elliot snapped me out of my thoughts and began ordering his drink. I took a quick glance at the menu that had been placed before me without my knowledge. "And for you ma'am?" The older waitress asked as I took one more glance at the menu "I will take an iced tea please." I flashed a smile at her as she walked away. Leaving Elliot and I in this booth with nothing but tension.
"You look good liv" I quickly stopped fidgeting with the ring on my middle finger and looked up at him. Words were not needed. Her knew what I was thinking, he always did. "Sorry that was unprofessional." He let out a loud sigh before glancing back at his menu.
"Are you guys ready to order?" The waitress asked as she set our drinks down in fort of us. We exchanged quick glances before he nodded his head and began ordering. As much as I hated it he still looked damn good even after 10 years. I was once again brought out of my thoughts when it was my turn to order. "Can I just get a chicken chaser salad." She quickly jotted my order down, took our menus and left us to tend to another table.
There was a stillness at the table. We sat in silence for what felt like hours but in reality it has only been a minutes two. "Olivia are we ever going to talk about this?" Elliot looked up from the table where our eyes finally met. His are still the piercing crystal blues I remember and as much as I wanted to give in I can't. "Elliot now is not the time or place for this conversation." He let out a loud huff of what sounded to be frustration and that one little thing just set me off. "What Elliot? What was the loud huff about? Why do you feel the need to have this conversation. You didn't want to have a conversation 10 years ago so why should I want to have this one now?" I sat and waited and waited and waited for him to say something back but I got nothing.
Our food arrived and I began eating as a way of passing through this awkward time. Still he says nothing. I'm so pissed; he's the one who wants to have this conversation but when as soon as I say something about it he goes silent. I took another bite of my salad before excusing myself to the bathroom. I quickly walked away as the frustration was rising in my body. As soon as that bathroom door closed I ran into a stall and all of my salad came right back up. I sat down on the floor as my eyes welled up with tears. The words 'Elliot put his papers in' had been ringing in my head since I saw Elliot that night and i just can't take it anymore. I could feel my cheeks dampening and I knew I had to pull myself together before going back out to that booth. I flushed the toilet then walked up to the song and flushed my mouth with water before dabbing myself with a paper towel. I took a deep breathe before heading back to the booth. I lost my appetite so I just sipped my iced tea as Elliot ate his food.
       I glanced over at my phone to see I had two missed calls Lucy and 3 texts. I didn't even bother to read the text and quickly redialed her number. "Sorry I have to take this." I said as Elliot looked up from his food
'Hey Lucy is everything okay?'
'I'm not really sure, Noah has thrown up three times and has a fever.'
'Okay thanks Lucy I will be home soon.'
"Is everything okay?" He asked as I began getting my stuff together. "Uh no, I have to get home." I said as I laid cash down on the table I noticed Elliot was grabbing his stuff and stood up from the booth and started walking towards the door. "Elliot you don't have to come." I said as I walked out the door putting my gloves on. "Actually I do we drove together, plus you seem stressed so I'm here to help." I flashed a smile at him as we got in the car and drove off.
      We arrive at my apartment building and before I know it Elliot has turned off the car and was walking in with me. I take a mental to bring it up later but right now it wasn't my priority. I rush over to the elevator and sporadically press level 3. My hearts racing my breathing is shallow and my mind is racing a mile a minute; from thoughts about Noah to everything that has happened in the past 24 hours. Finally the elevator doors open and I race past the people in the narrow hallway and get to the door. Elliot was still right behind me every step of the way and as much as I hated it I loved it. I rustled with my keys before finding the right one. The door flung open and there was Lucy cleaning up Noah's mess and there was no longer any crying.
"Liv you're here!" Lucy finished putting his toys up as I started towards here. "Of course how is he?" I looked towards Noah's room but I figured he was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him. "Noah is sleeping he still has a fever but the puking stopped.I gave him some medicine about 30 minutes ago so that should finally be kicking in." Lucy said as she took a seat on the couch. I nodded my head taking in what she was saying while trying to think back to why he would be sick. "Okay thanks Lucy. I will let you know how he is and if I need you tomorrow." We shared a quick hug and before I knew it she was gone and it was just Elliot and I. He stood by the front door looking out of place and unsure of what to do.
"Thanks for driving me." I walked over to the kitchen and got a glass of water and walked back over to the couch. I just wanted to take a bath and relax. This day has been so long and it's only noon. "Is their anything I can do to help?" Elliot took a look around when I noticed his eyes fixated on the picture of Noah and I on the wall. "Not really I think he just needs rest right now." He nodded his head agreeing with me but his body language said something else. I wasn't sure what but it was contradicting to what he was saying or doing. "So a son?" He asked, I saw something in that moment I hadn't seen in over 20 years. A smile, there looked to be a lot of hurt behind that smile but it was definitely a smile. I let out a small laugh at the thought of Elliot knowing I had a son. I hate to admit it but I had imagined this so many times but never thought it would really happen. "yeah his name is Noah, he's amazing." A smile washed across my face as I spoke of him. "That's great liv. I always knew you would make a great mother." All I could think about were all the times Elliot had told me I should foster or how I would make Ana amazing mom. I mean he always supported me in that aspect of my life. God as much as I want to let him back into my life I just can't forget all the hurt he has caused me for the past 10 years! "Thank you Elliot for everything tonight but I think it's time for you to go." I stood up from the couch and made my way towards the front door as did Elliot. "See you at work tomorrow?" I he sounded unsure of if I would be their and honestly I wasn't positive. "I'm not sure yet, it depends how Noah is doing." I opened the front door and just as he was about to walk out he stopped in his tracks and turned around. "I hope Noah feels better. Goodbye Olivia." His eyes were full of sorrow and regret but I couldn't do this not yet. "Goodbye Elliot." I closed the door, and quickly slid down to the floor. This day was taking forever and I was exhausted.
After about 10 minutes of just sitting on the floor with my back to the door I finally got up and went to check on Noah. I felt his head and cheaply with the back of my hand, he still felt a little warm so I decided against waking him and I would just let him sleep. I went to my bathroom started a hot bath and went to grab a towel. I stepped into the tub and next think I knew I was asleep.
It had been about an hour and I was suddenly woke up up by a guy of water hitting my face. My body must have slid down the tub over the last hour. The water was no longer warm so it made no sense to even be In the tub anymore. I quickly stepped out, dried off and slipped into some old NYPD sweats I had lying around. I went to check on Noah again and then Went back into my room grabbed my laptop out of my desk and answered some work emails after about an hour or two I found myself down a wormhole of Elliot Stabler. I mean I looked up all the news articles, all his organized crime unit case that were open to the public record at One point I even found myself on Kathy's Facebook. There was a noticeable absence of Elliot but not only an absence of Elliot an absence of a ring on her finger. I could have kept looking hell I could have emailed him if I really wanted to me it didn't matter that much to me. Did it?
It was now 8 o'clock and Noah still was not awake. I made his favorite dinner And felt it was the best idea to wake him up so he would still be able to sleep during the night. I walked to his bedroom and kneeled down next to his bed "hey sweet boy." He stirred awake and flashed me a big smile when he realized who I was. "Mommy!" He gave me a quick hug before we walked into the kitchen so we could eat dinner.
After dinner I checked Noah's temperature one more time and when his fever broke we decided to watch inside out. We snuggled up on the couch and as I assumed half way through the movie he was out like a light. I tucked him into his head and cleaned up or messes from dinner before heading off to my bedroom.
As soon as I try to turn my mind off my thoughts it wonders to Elliot and I couldn't help it. I contemplated whether I should ask fin for his number or email him or anything but at the same time I didn't want to talk to him. It's like I'm fighting a war with myself. I can't decide whether to love him or to hate him and it's causing me so much more hurt then it should. I reached into my nightstand and after digging around for a few seconds I found it. His semper fi medal. It was the last thing I had gotten from him after he left. It's almost like that was his way of saying goodbye, And after all these years I could never bring myself to get rid of it. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd seen it I had thrown it into the back of my nightstand a few months after he left because it caused me so much pain but right now it's all I had of him so I held it and held it and held it until I fell asleep.

I'm sorry this took so long. I'm not the biggest fan of this chapter but I hope you all enjoy it. YESTERDAY WAS APRIL 1st!!!! Did you watch the crossover!?!?! Also now that I have seen it I can tell you the story won't follow the shows at all. It may take some dialogue from the show but different stories. Anyway let me know what you thought of this chapter by commenting and voting!