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It was twelve thirty one in the night, yet sleep betrayed Yusuf.
He gazed at the trees outside his window, the breeze swayed them this way and that. If someone said something to him then, he wouldn't register it. Yusuf was too busy calming his incessantly racing heart — too preoccupied with a certain someone's voice, causing a flutter of butterflies in his stomach. Perhaps he felt swayed too, though it hadn't been long yet.
He barely managed on other days, he'd distract himself with so much work that he'd feel accomplished. And then there were days like this, where he almost couldn't discipline his mind. Oddly, he liked it.
"Do you know what I'm most afraid of?" Yusuf asked, earning a glance of confusion from his older brother — Amir.
"Heights?" Amir chuckled, phrasing his answer like a question, at which Yusuf shook his head.
"Myself." Yusuf told him. "I'm afraid of the things I'm capable of doing, of the things that subtly cross barriers I've built myself."
"What things are you talking about?"
"Mostly how my fate feels very dependent on me, like how every little I do and say causes ripples in time that will reach me after echoing from the boundaries of this life." Yusuf elaborated. "And also how my own story has brought me to a point where I'm afraid to think further than what I can see."
Amir's eyes sparkled. Aah, look at my little brother talking about love like this.
"Is this about—?"
"Don't say anything out loud, not even the name, I somehow feel like that will make it more real." Yusuf winced. "I didn't ask for this, you know?"
"I thought you had complete belief in fate, yet your shortcomings hold you back from expecting miracles from Allah." Amir mused. "This isn't what you call faith."
"Then what must I do?" Yusuf questioned.
"There's only one way to solve this, as I see it." Amir advised. "Try not to pay too much attention to your heart, it is a deceiving thing. Instead, keep a check on how much it demands of you and your thoughts. And let things — or should I say "people" — find their way to you by making du'a. Gather peace, and savour your days of wait."
"It's harder than it sounds." Yusuf said with a smile, which was his way of being thankful for the reminder. "It will all be worth it, In Shaa Allah..."
