From the Outside Looking In

I heaved myself up and made 7 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, checking to make sure Halyn was still sleeping. She was. I shoved the last sandwich into my mouth, satisfying my wolf. She was tugging at me, willing me to go outside and let her loose. I sighed deeply. I knew I needed it, so I called my sister to come over and watch Halyn. She didn’t even ask why I’d asked her to babysit Halyn; she knew me well enough to know. She was a werewolf like me, all of my family was. Slipping on my shoes, I headed out the door. I got in my car and started cruising down highway 80, taking my sweet time getting to the woods. I closed my eyes for a second, reliving the horrible past couple of days. Who knew my perfect life could change so much in just one day? One day I was playing with Halyn with my husband at my side, and the next day, I was all alone trying to raise my unique daughter. I opened my eyes to make sure I didn’t crash. After driving quietly for another 20 minutes, I finally turned right, into the open woods. I could feel my wolf coming out, taking over my body.

Finally, when I looked down, I could see black dense fur covering my four paws. It was a perfect day to go running: windy and sunny. The sun was warm on my fur, and I took off. All the trees were blurs as I ran past. I knew she was concerned about me, I could hear her whimpering. She knew the pack would most likely reject Halyn when I told the Alpha. It’s not like I could keep her hidden from my leader. Halyn would take on her wolf form once she turned 13 anyway. I was just really worried about the Alpha’s reaction to her disorder. I was already an outsider in the pack. I winced at the thought of what they would do to my daughter. Banish her? Why did I have to marry that cruel man? If I hadn’t, maybe my daughter would have a chance. Maybe I wouldn’t be an outcast. Maybe all this wouldn’t have happened.

I sacrificed so much to marry Dave, that human. I lost my parent’s trust and my pack’s protection, all to be with him. Look where that got me.

While I was thinking, my wolf was running as fast as my legs could carry her. I wasn’t getting tired though. Besides, it’s not like I was in control of my wolf form. Whenever I changed into my wolf form, I let Dakota (what I named my wolf when I was 12) take over. I was just the audience, watching as I let her lead. It was an odd sensation at first, like being compressed into my own being. It’s kind of hard to explain. Basically, I had no control over what Dakota did. It gives me time to think, and I don’t even have to get all sweaty. I am admittedly a very lazy person.

I felt Dakota slowing down. Wait, how long had I been thinking and letting her run free? I looked out, my breath nearly stopping.                 

~~~~

I mentally smacked myself in the head for being so stupid. I should have paid attention to where Dakota was taking me. I guess she knew something was amiss and I, by the oath I took the day I could speak in full sentences, must tell my leader about it. Dakota took a few tentative steps forward, as if afraid I would scold her.

No, I guess what you did was right. I couldn’t just wait until the last minute. I’m just afraid that of what he’ll do. I don’t want my daughter to be an outcast like I was.

There was a burning sensation in my eyes, and a tear slipped out. No. I couldn’t be weak. I would have to be strong for Halyn and get this over with.

I willed Dakota to morph me back into my human form. She obediently returned to the depths of my mind, where I could feel her giving me the courage to walk up to the ostentatious looking building in front of me. The walls were green tinted glass, the base made of bright red bricks, making it look modern. A massive 20 foot wide door boasted the word ENTER, in an electric blue.The whole building screamed CHILDISH!

I took three apprehensive steps toward the door. Taking a deep breath, I strided across the sidewalk and heaved open the humongous door. I sniffed. Ugh. It smelled grossly sterile, like that foamy antibacterial stuff at the doctor’s. It didn’t feel the least bit welcoming or cozy. As I walked in, the secretary at the big wood desk looked up. As she gradually recognized who I was, her face turned from one of friendliness to one of resentment.

“Why are you here?,” she said coldly. “You know you are not supposed to be here for any reason unless it is an emergency.”

“I am standing by my oath and came here to inform the Alpha about my daughter. There is something he needs to know.”

She smiled cruelly. “Well if that’s the case, just follow me. I’d be happy to lead the way.”