The Truth About Life

-Olivia: Chapter Forty-Two-

The house is quiet, I can hear every creak and groan as I lie on the couch in the darkness.

Benson left for Haiti today, Audrey, Brie and Brody are out to the drive-in theater, soaking up the last two days of their summer.

I feel loneliness creep in. This is how it’ll be when Audrey leaves in two days, I think to myself. I miss my son so badly, I wish he would at least call, letting us know he was alive, that he was well.

The only images that come to my mind of Chase are of him scared, hurt; no food and nowhere to sleep. And worse, maybe he isn’t even alive, maybe he overdosed? What if we never know what’s happened? I just couldn’t live with that.

He missed his birthday, he’s 18 now, an adult by the world’s standards. But a child still in my heart, one that needs protecting, my help.

I cannot believe Audrey is heading to college, to California. She’s become such an amazing woman. I’m so excited to see her grow, see her artistic talent grow. She has so much potential, I can’t wait for her to discover that within herself.

I’ve recently been discovering that in myself, too. I’ve been attending the abuse support group with Megan every other Thursday night; and I have to say, it has been such an amazing experience.

I wish I had known in my early adulthood that talking through my feelings, my experiences, listening to others’ thoughts and feelings; would heal my wounded soul.

The first few meetings were unbearable, the lump in my throat was so large, blocking my voice; making it hard to even breathe. But the more the people around me opened up, the more they shared their stories, the more I wanted to as well.

Eventually, the lump in my throat disappeared and my story came spilling out.

Megan has been such a healing balm; we’ve grown close these past few months; and I know I can head over to her loud and happy house anytime I feel lonely.

I lean over the end table, switch the lamp on. Its glow hugging me in its warmth.

I think about mine and Audrey’s conversation the other night, about Gabe’s confusion.

I know I need to talk to him, to explain what I went through. And ultimately, apologize for not trusting him enough. That’s going to be a hard conversation to have, but a necessary step in finishing my healing process.

I know I need to talk to my mother, too, but I know she would just deny any knowledge of what happened. I’m leaning more toward an email, letting her know that I forgive her, that I’m letting the past go. I still don’t want her involved in my life, but I need to leave the past in the past, move forward.

I’m so much stronger than I was a year ago, I’m learning that I can be happy, and that has helped to lift a perpetual dark cloud that’s been over me literally my whole life. I can see clearer, see past my anger, to a bright and beautiful future.

My phone vibrates, signaling a text. Megan, inviting me over for tea.

-Megan: Kids are asleep, I’ll make the tea, you bring the treats

-Me: On my way

I grab a few peach scones I made this morning and head over to warmth and friendship.

 
The next day, I dial Gabe’s number, hesitate before I hit the CALL button.
“Just do it,” I whisper to myself.

I hear the ringing in my ear, wait for Gabe to pick up. 

“Hello?”

“Hi,” I say, a little breathlessly, “It’s Olivia.”

“Oh, hi, is everything ok, Is Audrey ok? Chase?”