Building back a broken heart

Chapter 1

I need you... 

    Life is unpredictable, one minute you are so in love with someone, and you think that no one else can make you happier, but the next.... all you feel is pure hate and disgust. But you still love them, you will always love them, you love them too much. And it hurts, it hurts because they will never EVER love you the way you love them, and there is nothing you can do, its out of your control, you can't make them love you. So you have to sit there, and watch them fall out of love with you, and then watch them move on to a prettier, younger, funnier girl. But that's life I guess, IT'S SHIT. 

      Pain, its all I feel. No other emotion, no other feeling, just pain. Tears stung my eyes, and one by one started rolling down my cheeks, until I could no longer keep in the screams and cry's. How could he do this to me? After everything we have been through? And he left me.. for her! That girl that told me "nothing is going on between us" "We are just friends"  Sure you are, because you are that close you had to go and see him at 3 in the morning. But what makes me the most mad is that I didn't catch it earlier, I let them go behind my back for 6 months, 6 months they were probably laughing at me, and all along I thought he actually loved me, I AM SO STUPID. As I lay there crying on my bed into my pillow, I thought about my future, and I just couldn't see it. How can one pathetic boy affect my life and hurt me so deeply that I feel like I cant go on. 

   KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK...

      "who is it, I don't feel like talking", I didn't want anyone to see me this way, no one could see me upset, they will think I'm weak.. I can't let them think that. "Its only me, can I come in," the voice was familiar, it screamed comfort and to be honest that's what I needed right now. As I walked up to the door, my legs felt like jelly, I could no longer function without him, the pain was too unbearable. As the door opened my twin sister was stood there, the only person that had ever seen me at my weakest, the only person I now trust.  Luna was everything I wanted to be, even though we were twins, we weren't identical, she got the better genes. Her long blonde hair flowed down her back, and her green eyes matched perfectly with every outfit she had on. If you can't imagine what she looks like yet, just think of every popular girl that has ever existed, and you will probably picture her. She was perfect, the perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect child, the perfect person. And I was imperfect, I was the furthest away from perfect you could get, and even though I loved my sister with every ounce of my being, I envied her more than you will ever know. She looked at me, and after a second opened her arms. I just fell into them, I no longer had the strength to hold myself up, its too much effort, too much weight. As I feel my sisters hands stroking my hair all my emotions came flooding out, every single bit of pain and disgust I had been bottling up for the past 3 hours all came out into one single scream. A scream so loud that my ears were ringing after, a scream so powerful that for a second, my anger seemed to have gone. Until all the memories came flooding back.  

      I cried and screamed to Luna for the next 4 hours. But that's one of the reasons I love Luna, she will sit there and listen to your problems for a lifetime without complaining. And when she left the room to make me a drink, I felt slightly better, like for an instant I finally felt like I could go on for another day. I stood up and looked at my appearance in the mirror. I'm a mess. My once glossy black hair was now tied into a messy bun, with half of it still in, and half of it tangled down my back. My mascara was streaming down from my eyes, covering up my awful freckles and my red lipstick was now smeared across my face. This was the lowest I had ever felt, normally I look in the mirror and don't mind the way I look. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have never thought I was pretty, you can't when you have Luna for a sister, but I didn't mind my appearance. But today, looking at myself made me feel sick. My self esteem was so low, I felt like I couldn't even walk out the house. I was worried what people might say and think about me, and I was never worried about what people might say. I normally just do what I want, without worrying about peoples judgment, you have to be like that to survive in my school, but things were different now. Everything had changed. I can never be the same again, and that scares me. That stupid, pathetic, pitiable excuse for a human being has made me feel so low, so ugly that I can't look at my own reflection without wanting to vomit. 

But I guess that's what love does to you, it destroys you from the inside out.