Waiting For Him

(I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or any of it's characters.  This is fanfiction.)

A deep sigh escaped his lips as he let himself fall into the couch.  He bit down on the inside of his cheek as he the cushions attempted to swallow him, not caring how far he was sinking in between them.  All he could think about was his other half, the person he was rarely separated from.  His emotions were chewing him up inside.  "Hikaru..." a whisper of his name left his lips as his sandy eyes focused on the ground.  He might have been starring at the floor, but he wasn't seeing it.  He was too far lost in his own worry.  

A half hour passed and his position remained the same.  His breathing felt normal, but his heart was definitely going at a faster pace than he was used to.  It was his own fault that his heart was so heavy, dripping with this miserable feeling.  It all just happened so fast, and in the moment he had felt like he was making the right choice.  During the very end of their time with the host club for the day, Haruhi had mentioned her partner for a recent school project had become ill, leaving all of the work up to her alone.  Stupidly, Kaoru had volunteered his twin to help her as a substitute.  He knew Hikaru enjoyed Haruhi's company. He just wanted him to be happy.  Unfortunately, that meant sacrificing his own.  Rarely was he ever in an empty room.  He had gotten so used to the company that before now he couldn't remember what being alone felt like.

Another ten minutes went by, and he finally moved, leaning his head against the back of the soft couch and starring up at the ceiling.  He couldn't help but wonder what they were doing right now.  How much longer was the project going to take?  Was Hikaru laughing?  Was he smiling at her the way he had always smiled at him?  Suddenly he felt himself shaking with anticipation as he wondered.  The boy shook his head quickly.  You can go home, Kaoru.  You don't have to wait.  He gave you permission.  (Even though it wasn't like he needed it.)  He tried to reason with himself.  "Ten more minutes, and I'm leaving...." he muttered to himself as he straightened himself up.  Long legs swung up onto the couch and Kaoru fell to his side, laying there.  It wasn't like Tameki was here to scold him about getting dirt from his shoes on the furniture the guests sit on, so he might as well be as comfortable as possible within the torture.  

Over forty-five minutes passed, and Kaoru begin to feel as though he was being engulfed by a black hole.  It was like he was left to drift alone in space surrounded by nothing but black.  His world was dark when Hikaru wasn't in it.  He had given himself ten minutes with the unconscious assumption that Hikaru would be back by then.  Unsettling images fluttered into his mind of Hikaru and Haruhi together.  He imagined their hands together, fingers intertwined as the two leaned in slowly toward one-another.  It made him sick.  Those were his hands.  That was his Hikaru.  Selfish thoughts that went against the selfless act that he was trying to commit came flooding in.  He should have followed him.  He should have been watching them.  It wasn't like he would stop what he let happen, but at least he would know.  He wouldn't be in the dark.  

Kaoru closed his eyes and swallowed hard just before he heard the sound of foot-steps coming though the door and getting louder as they made their way in his direction.  He let them get closer, keeping his eyes closed.  He knew who he wanted it to be, and he wasn't ready for the disappointment of it being another.  He squeezed his eyes shut tighter.  The foot-steps stopped.

"You're still here?"  A familiar voice spoke to him.  His eyes shot open as he stared at the two legs before him.  Kaoru looked up, seeing Hikaru towering over his laying body.  It wasn't like Hikaru was surprised his brother had been waiting, but it still gave him the same satisfaction of knowing he didn't actually take him up on his empty courtesy of telling him it would be alright if he went home.