Speak.

005.

A week later and Zach’s parents were coming to take him home. When the doctor delivered the news her face was illuminated with a glowing smile, as if this was the most joyous occasion that had happened in years. Perhaps it was supposed to be, missing son returns home with his parents. It was a happy ending to wrap up a tearful story, the kind of thing you’d see making the front page headlines. But Zach didn’t feel any of that; he wasn’t filled with joy or happiness, relief or security. He felt guilty, like he had betrayed his family and himself somehow. What was he supposed to feel? He didn’t know what home was, who these people were. He was a stranger in his own body, his own mind, his own life.

“Zach, can I come in?” The words rolled off her Southern tongue in the soft twang he had learned to love. She was the only person who he really felt okay around. She didn’t urge him to talk and never asked him any questions about what happened.

He nodded and stared down at his arm, tracing a cluster of freckles with his nail as she did her systematic checks of monitors and screens.

“You don’t want to go home, do ya?” She asked quietly as she sat down on the foot of the hospital bed.

He shook his head, still staring at the brownish-red dots on his arm.

“I can’t begin to imagine what you went through, and I ain’t going to ask. I feel you have enough people doing that as it is and it doesn’t seem to be doing any good.” She paused, as if to gather her thoughts before continuing, “I believe in you, Zach. I can see it in your eyes, that you’ve got a fighting spirit in you. You’re a fighter, you’re strong. And I know you’ll make it through this.”

He wished he could say something, anything. To simply tell her thank you or give her a small smile; anything so she would know that she wasn’t talking to a brick wall and that he genuinely was grateful.
But he stayed silent, as he had been. He wanted so desperately to show some sort of recognition but he was stuck.

“It’s okay, don’t feel bad that you aren’t ready yet,” She said, as if reading his thoughts, “I understand.”
She smiled warmly at him, her soft, brown eyes twinkling.

“I’ll be right back, okay?

She bustled out of the room, her light blue scrubs disappearing around a corner outside the glass door.

He sighed and pulled his knees into his chest. Within just a few hours he’d be out of here and back into the “real world,” pulled back into the humdrum routines and absentminded chatter of reality. Joy..

Just as quickly as she had left, she had returned; the glass door sliding closed with a soft swish . In her hands was a medium-sized bag, some sort of fabric bundled together inside.

“I know you haven’t any clothes of your own, at least none that are likely to fit you now that you’ve…well, at least you don’t have any yet. Other than those God awful hospital pajamas. I’m sure you’re tired of those,” She winked at him with a grin, “My son is…was your size and so I just figured that these would likely fit you. At least until your parents get you some of your own.”

Out of the bag came a dark blue hooded sweatshirt, a simple gray v-neck tee shirt and a plain pair of cargo shorts. The clothes weren’t exactly flashy or fancy. Their style was simple but the realization that she thought of him enough to bring him something hit home. Once again, he was almost angry with himself for not being able to say a simple thank you or let her know how grateful he was for everything she had done for him.

“I’m sorry there aren’t any shoes or none of that, I s’pose you’ll be stuck with those slippers for a little bit longer. Hell, at least you pull them off. They sure bring out those amazing eyes of yours.” She remarked with a soft laugh.

Zach absentmindedly nodded- not entirely paying attention to what exactly she was saying. He was too busy trying to dam the cascade that was threatening to pour over his eyelids at any second.

”Fuck, don’t cry..why the hell am I crying?”

A balled up fist met his cheeks in frustration, hoping to wipe away the tears before she realized that he was crying. Too late.

“Hey, hey now. I didn’t upset you..did I, darlin’?” She questioned softly, lightly placing a warm hand on his shoulder.

Zach shook his head and wiped at his eyes again. Hell, he didn’t know why he was crying.

“Hush now..it’ll be okay.” She peered into his eyes, concern and empathy showing evident through her own. “I wish I knew what was going on in that head of yours.. you don’t deserve this.”

She pulled him into her arms, and let him cry into the light blue of her scrubs. He sobbed into her shoulder for what seemed like hours, shoulder shaking and chest heaving until finally the heart-wrenching sobs faded into hiccups and the fabric was left stained with tears.

“Come on now, you’ll feel better. I know you will, you’re a tough cookie. “ Another warm smile illuminated her features, “ I have to go take care of some things but I’ll be the one to take you out when you leave. Try to smile, m-kay? Maybe it’ll help ya feel better.” She finished, tucking the now-empty bag under her arm and leaving the room.

”You fucking idiot..August would be ashamed. Look at you, crying over some fucking clothes.”

Grabbing the items, he shuffled over to the corner of the room where a small bathroom was placed. Sore muscles and fading bruises posed a problem and slightly complicated changing into the clothes but after a few aggravating minutes of struggling and groaning, he was successful. He turned and looked into the small mirror that was perched above the equally small sink. Staring back at him was the face of a stranger; someone whom he had never seem nor spoken to before.

His ice blue eyes were empty and sullen. Dark, gray circles circled his bony sockets, his eyes nearly bugging out of his skull due to how thin he had grown. Cheekbones jutted out of his skin at jagged angels, almost looking like they would burst through the thin surface at any second. It had been such a long time since he had seen himself in a mirror, and now he barely recognized his own reflection.

"Zach, are you in here?" He heard his mother call, her voice snapping him away from his reflection and back into the present moment in that sea-green bathroom. Shaking his head, he gathered the discarded clothing from the floor and stepped out of the small chamber.

She looked him up and down, tears glassing over her soft brown eyes. "It's been such a long time since.." Her sentence trailed off slowly, memories dancing over her features as she remembered the last time she had seen her son before he disappeared, when he was healthy and happy and things were okay. But now things would be okay again, Zach was back and he was coming home.

"Come on, honey. It's time to go home."