Numb- Larry Stylinson

Chapter 8

Text
//Time skip 1 month later Harry's POV//

I weigh 126 pounds now. I'm still not skinny enought. People still call me fat. I only lost 22 pounds because I did not eat for a month. I am pretty sure I only had 3 meals in 1 month. The boys don't seem to notice.

It's been a month since that night. Since I was raped. Everything just spiraled down since then. Louis has been nice to me, but he has kept his distance, I don't think he told the other boys, but they've kept there distance too.

I got a DM on twitter a day after it happened, it was the guy that did it. He said he had a nice time fucking a pop star. He later deleted his account.

After I got that tweet, I relapsed in self harm. When Louis found me in the bathroom staring at my deeply cut arm, blood flowing out of it, he told me his father used to beat him, and that he self harmed too. He told me his father is the reason he is so mean to me. He tells me that he has Depression, and Multiple Personality Disorder. In some ways he's more fucked up than me.

We've had a few concerts this month. And I think the fans are starting to notice I haven't talked as much. They may have noticed I lost a bit of weight too, but I'm still fat, so I cover myself with baggy clothes.

We have a concert tonight. We have 3 more concerts left, not counting this one.

Just one more month until the end...

*BING BING*

My phone sounds from across the room. It's Liam.

From: Liam

To: Harry

Hey mate, we have a concert tonight in case you've forgotten. Meet us downstairs for breakfast in two mins, yeah?

To: Liam

From: Harry

Okay.

That's all I ever reply to people these days. I say okay. Or I just don't say anything, which no one seems to notice either way. I 'm not the happy, talkative person I used to be. I put on a jacket to hide recent self harm cuts, a baggy t-shirt and some joggers, and walk downstairs.

I walk into the dining room, where all the other lads are sitting, and take a seat. "Hey mate whats happening?" Niall says with a grin, I just shrug, dismissing him. "I made you some pancakes, Haz" Louis says quietly, not looking me in the eyes. I take the plate and take a small bite, chew, and act like i'm taking a drink but really I just spit it into my cup.

I continue this for about a fourth of the pancake, before I get up and get an apple. "Why didn't you finish your pancakes, H?" Liam asks, concerned. I shrug. "Not very hungry." Zayn rolls his eyes and I look down and cower into myself.

I don't really eat these days, and whenever I do, It's usually a fruit or vegetable. Nothing more. "Harry, Can I speak to you please?" Louis asks harshly. I shrug. We walk over to a corner. "What the hell Harry? Eat something! You're going to fucking die if you don't eat something other than an apple!" he whisper yells. "I did eat something. I ate some pancakes, now if you could kindly get off my ass about it!" I whisper yell back.

I walk back over to the table and sit down, continuing to eat my apple. I finish, and throw all my uneaten food and drink away. "M' going back to my room" I say quietly. They all nod.

It upsets me how careless they are. They don't notice one of there best mates is slipping away so easily. They don't know that I still self harm or that I might kill myself anytime now! And when I do kill myself, which I know I will, I am determined to be successful this time.

I will not fail.

//time skip to concert//

Our opening act just got of stage and we're about to go on. Lou is doing last minute changes to my hair and makeup. Everything is a bit hectic.

The opening video starts to play, and then we walk out. Screams erupt, and I see all the boys smiling, but I just stand there. I see fans crying, and some of them look at me in disgust. I look at the crowd, and spot a man. The same man that did it to me. I look at him in horror and he smirks. I run over to Louis and say "I can't I can't no no no no. He's here Louis please!" He looks at me weirdly. "Whats wrong H? What happened?" Louis says. "Nothing, Never m-mind I'm f-f-fine." I say.

But i'm not.

I start singing Midnight Memories with a shaky voice, and I go to the opposite side of the stage that he's at. The whole rest of the concert I can't stop thinking about it. The concert is finally over, and I run of stage.

I run to the dressing room and sit on the coach, and I start hyperventilating and having an anxiety attack. All I can't think is Hes here and hes going to do it again. I claw at my face and pull my hair.

Hes going to do it again. He is going to do it again. Hes going to do it again.

I whimper, as someone touches my arm. "Harry whats wrong? What happened?" "

"Louis Louis Louis."

"Harry it's okay!" He says, as he holds me close.

I calm down and just sit there, more depressed than usual. I just stare at the ground.

"What happened? Is he okay?" Zayn asks.

"He's fine, I think he just had an anxiety attack. He always used to get like that remember?" The boys nod. But little did they know it wasn't just that.

We walk out of the stadium, and into our van, and we drive to our hotel. Louis holds me the whole time.

We arrive at the hotel, and we walk in, going to our rooms. "Louis, will you stay with me?" I say quietly. he nods.

We walk into my room and lay in my bed. He pulls me close, and squeezes me. "I love you Harry. And I know I don't say It very often, but I really do." He whispers. "I love you too, Lou."

"Can I ask you something?" Louis says, making my heart stop a minute, because this can't be good.

"Have you been starving yourself?" And my breath hitches, because well he actually noticed.

I shake my head. "No." He nods. He then rubs his hand over my stomach. I flinch. "Yes you have, Harry. I can feel your ribs, and you always refuse food. Baby, you have to stop. Your slowly dying. And I love you to much for that to happen." He says, making me scoot over.

"I haven't starved myself Louis, Only girls do that. I'm not some anorexic freak okay? I just needed to loose a few pounds, so people will like me more and stop calling me a fat ass." I blurt out without really realizing what I said.

Louis' eyes widen. "Angel, you are not fat! You're a fucking twig! And who cares what anyone thinks? They're all just bitches if they say you're fat, cause you aren't."

"Yes I am. And I have to be perfect for you, Lou." I whisper, scooting over more, and finally getting up so I'm not facing him.

"Harry. You. Are. Perfect. You're the most beautiful person I know. Remember that fan that had cuts all up and down her wrists? You kissed every single one. Remember the girl that fell down and you helped her up? Harry you are such a good person! And it pains me that you don't realize that. You're so beautiful Harry, and I would break if you left me. I wouldn't be able to live." He says.

I taste salt in my mouth before I even realize I'm crying. "Look at me Angel." He says, so I turn back around and lay down snuggled up next to him, looking him in the eyes. "I love you." He whispers.

"I love you too." I whisper. He leans in slowly and presses a long kiss to my lips. A while later I say "Louis?"

"Yes love?"

"I was raped that night."

And he freezes.

"What?" he says weakly.

"I was raped."

and then he pushes me off of him.