Saint Ambrose Academy: Unlikelies

3

Tuesday

ENZO

    I stopped into my classes to hand in my homework, and take any tests but beyond that, I excused myself from them all under the guise of 'president work'. My night was dreamless, and I woke up feeling as unrested as I had when I went to sleep. This year was going to be the death of me. And then it hit me, that that was exactly what it should be. This idea made me happy, I felt like I finally had something to look forward to, and with this, I started making lists of things to accomplish by the end of the school year before I'd end it all.

    I know it seems selfish, but when you do the math, I've spent my whole life being the person everyone needed me to be, being who others wanted me to be, and I have been miserable. I tried to talk to the adults around me, but they wrote it off as being a moody teenager because I couldn't possibly feel this way when I had so much going for me. But the pressure to be who they want is suffocating, and I feel I have no identity of my own, I don't know who I am or what makes me happy, all I know how to do is make them happy. Even when I rebel, they don't see it as anything to worry about, I'd have to commit a felony for them to see that I am not okay. So, what's more selfish? Their forcing me to continue this sad excuse of existence or me finally putting my foot down and ending it.

      The whole thing is perfectly logical in my mind, and it feels freeing thinking that this will all be over soon. Checking my list, it is mostly things I want to do before I die, rules to break, expectations to free myself of, and good deeds I want to accomplish, but the last thing on it is perhaps the one I'm most interested in doing:

*Figure out Nova Vidal.

     I rise from my bed with a smile on my face for the first time in a long time, and I take a quick shower, letting the stream hit my muscles; much needed after last night's workout. I get dressed in a white t-shirt and add a black sports jacket over it, I layer my necklaces, put on my ring, and use a little hair gel to hold it semi-in place. Looking in the mirror I feel good, I gather my bag and check to make sure the notebook is still in there. For some reason it's comforting to hold it, a reminder of the pact I've just made with myself, the promises I vow to keep. I smile to myself once again, for once feeling the pull of the muscles happen naturally for no one's benefit but my own.

Let the games begin.

NOVA

     I wake up feeling extra stiff, I can tell that bruises have formed from the tumble I took yesterday, and take some Ibuprofen to help the pain go away. Sighing, I get up and draw myself an ice bath, knowing I will need it, I pushed myself yesterday, working in the studio after the fall, then on to the farm for my volunteer work.

    It was so worth it though, I got to teach some younger "at-risk" youth to handle and care for the animals, the kids were amazing, and responded so well to the animals, it was such a beautiful experience. I'm looking forward to going back today, even though I only have to go once a week, I plan to go as often as my schedule allows, as often as the farm will have me because I need that time away from this place. Few places have ever made me feel welcome, or worthy, but when I'm there I feel like I make a difference in the animals' lives as well as the kids who come by too.

       Sitting in the tub of ice, it is painfully cold, but it feels good on my aching muscles and body, to distract myself from the coldness I get ahead in my reading for classes, and start jotting down some ideas for the welcome-back events we're planning for the weekend. Eventually, I've been in the tub so long I am entirely numb to the coldness, I take a quick shower to clean up and wrap a towel around myself, before heading back to my room.

      My dorm is big, it's more of a townhouse than a dorm, I have more rooms than I could ever need, but don't let this fool you, my adoptive parents don't spend this much on me because they care, it's a message that goes unspoken. I have no reason to return home, I am not welcome there, so long as I am underage they will provide financial support for me, but I am to stay away; because I am "toxic to their relationship".

    I didn't understand this at first, I couldn't understand how I could be toxic at ten years old; when they sent me away to start junior high, but over the years I think I just started to accept it as fact. I mean there has to be something wrong with me, no matter how nice I am, people hate me. I came here and Cassia Russo decided I was the antichrist and from that moment on everyone hated me. I never did anything to her, in fact, I just tried to be her friend, but it was a mistake she'd never let me live down, as even today she is one of my top tormentors.

    She enlisted Matteo and his brother and all their little friends, all of them held me down, put a leash on me, and made me walk around like a dog, whenever I tried to run off, Matteo would keep me still, while Cassia hit me. It started with just them, but it caught on like wildfire, and soon it was practically a tradition to torture me in the school. Nearly everyone started doing it, day in and day out the abuse they'd instill in me was neverending, I was a toy to them, and they loved to break me over and over again. I didn't understand how kids could be so cruel, those who didn't actively torture me were complicit in laughing at my misfortune, but I figured it had to be me, I had to be the problem, so by eighth grade, I gave up. I stopped trying to change their minds and instead tried to keep my head down, become invisible, and hope they'd leave me alone.

      This didn't work, I had adapted though, I was always on alert whenever I left the sanctuary of my dorm. Today was no different as I prepared to leave, I took a deep breath, pulled my shoulders back, and stepped outside of my dorm.