Saint Ambrose Academy: Unlikelies

7

ENZO

Tonight marks the end of the first week back to school. The class Presidents finished planning for the welcome back event(which will be a formal dinner and then a dance), and while Nova never verbally participated she did do a lot of the brainstorming, and planning through paper, writing out instructions and lists, and giving it to the freshman Pres that I now know is Kai. He's always watching Nova, and I'm always watching him watch her, how ridiculous.

So far she still hates me, and I've gotten hardly any information. Lia did tell me that she had met Nova the summer before she enrolled in school here, at a dance intensive program, and were for some time friends. Lia looked sad when she told me how they haven't really been too close since then, but that Nova wasn't as bad as her reputation would suggest, and she really wished people would give her a fair chance.

Speaking of Lia, things with her are going great. We've hung out a lot this week, and she accepted my invitation to be my date for the welcome-back dinner and dance.

I head to pick her up, with a red corsage to match the dress color she told me about. Knowing the color I'd tried to imagine how it'd look and honestly, my mind did it no justice. She left me speechless. Thinking it over one of the to-do's on my list was to find someone who made me care about life again; a last-ditch effort in trying to bring my mind away from wanting to die, as I am consumed with the guilt of the friends and family it will burden. I think it's too optimistic to say with certainty, but she's making me appreciate more moments in life, and maybe there could be hope for me. I might ask her to be my girlfriend tonight, and make it official. She's really good for me, and I really can see us being happy together. Because she does that. When I'm with her I am happy.

I just wish the feeling lasted, I don't know what's wrong with me, the instant I'm alone the sinking despair returns, and I find it hard to cope. I've tried self-help hotlines, and therapy, even gone to my parents and tried the medications they prescribed, but none of it lasts. The darkness just keeps coming back.

~

We're at the dance and I realize I'm acting like a total creep, but I'm not the only one. Angelo, some other guys with girlfriends, and I were all standing around watching our girls dance. That's right, she's my girl now, she said yes, and we are what my grandma would say "going steady". Watching her, I did not hear a single word my best friend said to me, because man Lia could move, and it was entirely hypnotizing and made me smile a genuine smile. I seem to have more of those with her around.

I get a text on my phone, it's from my dad;

What's this I hear about you skipping on the very first day back. It's unbefitting of a De la Rosa, we work hard to send you to a school of prestige and you waste the time and money, but also threaten the family name, we are not in a place where we can make mistakes. Listen I know youre going through that moody phase but this is serious we have an image to maintain, there has to be a more valid reason for this. Love Dad P.s. Call your damn mother already you're making her worry.

Sighing I shove the phone back into my pocket. My smile feels sour on my face now, and I find myself needing space. I'm such a terrible son, I head outside hoping to smoke a little to clear my mind. I write my mom a text.

I'm ok, sorry to make you worry, Ily.

I take out my lighter and light the blunt that was in my pocket, I don't immediately place the lighter back in my pocket though. I flick it bringing the flame out and watch it dance, tempting me to touch it, let it burn me. But I don't, not here, as much as I would welcome the pain to take this feeling away, it's too risky to do it here. I tuck the lighter back in my pocket and take a hit, feeling my tension ease as the smoke fills my lungs. I would give anything to leave here right now, I could take Lia to dinner and dance anywhere, away from everyone, away from people's expectations of me and her, where there's no one I have to pretend for.