Rough Day

One - Worry

I walk through a hallway in Mark's apartment. How'd I get here? Well, he'd selflessly invited me to be his roomate once he'd heard of my troubles about a month ago. However, that's unimportant right now. As I walked by, I overheard Mark making a new video. This one sounded different, more serious than his usual fare. After weighing the following options: stay and risk being caught or leave and wait, unaware of the subject until he actually posts it... I decide to stay, reluctantly. Totally. I crouch outside the door, ear pressed against the wood.

"...I'll go ahead and make the excuse that I'm very, very tired and actually don't have enough time."
That's odd, I thought to myself. He hadn't seemed tired when I saw him earlier. Then again, it has been a few hours since we'd talked last, let alone since I had seen him.

"Today was one heck of a day."
I nod to myself. He had a lot on his plate today, so I'm not surprised. I check my watch. He'd just gotten home from a 3 hour acting class, hadn't he?

"...What really got to me today was, uh, there was some poorly timed drama that really stirred up some emotions and, um, earlier this week.. on Monday, I had to say goodbye to someone that I care very much about."
What? This is new to me. I feel bad for not noticing any distress he might've been in this week. Mental smack.

"...I'd like to say it wasn't weighing on me, but it was."
I frown, wishing he wasn't in so much emotional upset.

"...I don't have the time to whip myself up into the mood to do it, 'cause I'm not just gonna plaster a smile on my face and try to muscle my way through the video, like you guys would be able to tell."
The more I listen the more upset I get at myself! Hell, if he thinks his audience would be able to tell so easily, why couldn't I? I get up and walk away from the door, but can't force myself to go too far. I pace outside his door for minutes upon minutes.

I hear him mention that this video he's making will actually be posted tomorrow. I can't act like I know what it's about without him knowing I eavesdropped! I panic and creep quickly, but quietly away from the door all the way to my own room.

I throw myself onto my fluffy bed as soon as the door closes and screech into my pillows.

"Why am I so dumb!" I yell, muffled by cushiony pillows. I kick around like a child, anxious for some reason.

Truthfully, I know the reason. I've been Mark's friend for around a little less than a year, so I'm still a little awkward around him. I'm still monumentally grateful for him accepting me into his home without knowing me very well. He is so kind and wonderful to me, yet I can't help myself but to walk on eggshells around him.

Truth be told, I have a giant crush on Mark! It kills me to feel such things for such an unobtainable man. I'm practically right next to him, but I still feel so far away! I known it sounds kind of grade-school to say I have a crush on him, but I really do!

"I really do," I mumble half-heartedly into my pillow. "How can you not...?"