the day it stopped raining | midoriya izuku

29 | wine-stained maiden

TOKYO
19°C
HEAVY RAIN

People think that those who are loved and those who aren't are indifferent. They say that those who have never been loved will eventually learn to love, normally through the journey of friendships and relationships. That might be true for some people, but Masuyo was more than convinced that love is earned through hardships.

She believed that love isn't something you have the moment you were born or the second someone utters I love you to you, but a keyframe in once in a lifetime, a moment that lasts what felt like infinity but it's for a second when you meet the one you discover or share that love with. Love isn't born just because it ties with the blood of others, but it's a joyful yet tragic phenomenon that makes you want to long for more, and need it to overcome your perception of "love". Love is something Masuyo desperately wanted for years, but now that the opportunity is right in front of her, she suddenly wants to avoid it because she doesn't understand.

She doesn't understand how she's going to hold this love Midoriya has given her. She doesn't understand how it's going to affect her when she's never been through it. All the knowledge she knew about love was cliché rom-com, books and all sorts of educational purposes, but never the real thing. Masuyo relished it—relishes the feeling of this burning spark in her heart, but her mind strays every now and then whether or not that she, Masuyo Haru, was capable of loving him back as much as she lives.

Masuyo lets the tears fall as she stares at the blank ceiling, the morning glow obscured by clouds painting her room. The sound of the pattering rain irks her ears every now and then, nothing less than a shower. She brings a shaky hand to her chest, clutching it tightly, feeling the constant ache of wanting Midoriya to be by her side, but knows she can't.

She can't.

Masuyo was aware that she has been in love with Midoriya for some time, not knowing exactly when, but it hurts because it's not fair.

It's not fair to him because all he did was give, give, give and never been received. She felt like a spoiled child demanding everything the world could give, and it hurts knowing that deep down, Midoriya's heart breaks at her ugly side—wrath, despair and agony. She convinced herself that because she deserved it. What else can she do in this world besides causing wreckage?

Your suffering's your fault, said her older sister.

Your quirk's a curse. I shouldn't have given birth to you, said her mother.

Masuyo quickly covered her face as she cried harder.

And yet she questioned herself repeatedly, do I deserve him after everything?

It still feels like yesterday when Midoriya stopped by to give her his umbrella. An action so insignificant in someone's lifetime, but eventually makes a prominent difference that alters one's future. And that one action made the current her feel something she never thought she would feel, something that's still hard to comprehend and undeserving.

I don't deserve you, and you don't deserve me. Masuyo bellows in her mind as she sobbed, gritting her teeth in frustration. Fuck. Fuck. How long has it been ever since her mother and sister came over? How long has she been torturing herself with these thoughts? Two weeks? Masuyo couldn't remember the last time she actually smiled around Midoriya, but knew she was truly living before the two family members made their appearance. Once the poison's been touched, everything's ruined. And that's exactly what happened to her.

Other than that, Masuyo has been noticing the way Midoriya looked at her whenever they were cooking together or watching movies or anything they could do together. She knew she hasn't been feeling well regarding her mental health, but it slips past her façade when sometimes she would stop eating halfway or accidentally burned herself when frying dumplings. She was aware of Midoriya's immediate gaze of worry the second she screwed up or...acted like a zombie. She knew that he knew she was exactly who she was when the rain's pouring like hell.

And she hated it. She hated how he can still put up with her. How he can still stay by her side without her asking to. How he can tell that she needs something without telling to. How he can tell that she needs him. Midoriya is everything she needed, but she can't anymore. She can't.

Taking a deep breath, Masuyo turns to one side and crawls toward the bedside drawer to grab her sleeping pills. She twisted the cap with ease and pours at least four of them in the palm of her hand. Masuyo sighs. It's more than she needed, but it's better this way.

Masuyo swallowed them without a thought.

By the time she opened her eyes, it was dark. The only source of light was the city glow from her window, the rain starting to pour the moment she woke up. At that, Masuyo grabbed for her phone lost in the bedsheets and turned it on to check the time. 2AM.

Ah.

Masuyo wonders how happy the world must be while she's asleep.

Upon checking the time, she also noticed the abundant of texts she received from Midoriya:

Midoriya Izuku
i bought your favourite coffee~

Midoriya Izuku
that's your 6th bottle this week :<

Midoriya Izuku
stop drinking unhealthy boozes!!

Midoriya Izuku
masu-chan? You there?

Midoriya Izuku
hello?

Midoriya Izuku
oh! The rain stopped? And it's still daylight...

Midoriya Izuku
are you asleep?

Midoriya Izuku
uwaahh masu-chan! The sun is so pretty today! Wish you were here :(

Midoriya Izuku
ahh crap I feel like I shouldn't have said that considering your...

Midoriya Izuku
im sorry

Midoriya Izuku
:(

Midoriya Izuku
im almost done now...seems like you're still sleeping

Midoriya Izuku
oh wells! I'll be on my way later so I hope you're awake

Midoriya Izuku
I bought spicy dumplings for dinner tonight :D

The girl slowly noticed how she was tucked in neatly despite how she messed it up a little earlier, also noticing there's a small note on the bedside table on her left, neatly tucked under the nightlight. Masuyo reached over for the note, unfolding it with a swipe of a finger.

You sleep like a rock hehe, I left the dumplings in the fridge! Rest well :) I love you.   –  Izuku

I love you.

Masuyo's heart pounded at those handwritten words.

It's like Midoriya's way to say, I hope you're okay. Don't let yourself down too much because I'm here whenever you need me. It's okay to rely on me because I like taking care of you. And I like doing it for you because I love you, even though you haven't said it back. But I don't think you have to say it to make me know that you love me. I can already see it. I can see it through your smiles even though you haven't been able to in a while. I can see it when you're trying your best. It's okay, Masu-chan. I'm always here.

Masuyo could hear him, feel him and he's not even in this room at two in the fucking morning. She was going fucking crazy because of all the issues she's been trying to fight off herself, yet she tries to muster all the strength she had to get through the week. Groggily, she dragged herself out of bed, sluggishly making her way to the kitchen, turning on only the small lights that's enough to light up a small space instead of the entire apartment. She opened the fridge, and there were the plastic-wrapped dumplings placed on the second shelf. She took it out, unwrapped it and immediately heat it up in the microwave. Once it's done, Masuyo brought it out and placed it on the marble counter, taking a single bite of the dumpling.

Masuyo didn't realize she was crying again by the time she noticed how alone she was.

_________

heads up everyone, things are gonna go downhill from here