In Their Hands ✧･ BARNES ✔

twenty seven

   Surprisingly, Zola stayed the night in the cabin. The sun had already gone down, and it was heavily snowing outside, so he didn't want to risk anything by taking Zola to her parents. If he was being honest, he also just wanted some more time with her. He wasn't ready to take her back yet. He was finally getting time with her, and she was finally understanding him.

   As usual, Zola was sitting against the couch watching television. She was showing Bucky some of her favorite shows. He was having a hard time paying to the shows instead of Zola. He still couldn't believe that she was right there- talking to him and laughing with him as if he were normal. She didn't feel the need to run away from him. She wanted to be with him, and having someone want to be around him was a feeling that filled his senses with pure happiness. That was something else that usually didn't happen.

   Zola looked off at the TV, but he looked down at her. He studied the waves in her hair, and whatever features he could see from her side profile. He stared at the features that she had inherited from him. How could she not see it? He knew that she was young and didn't look at small things like that, but he also knew that this girl looked so much like him. She still didn't suspect anything? It broke his heart because he just wanted her to realize that she really was his. He wanted her to see that even though Clint was a great caretaker, and even though Clint was the better dad for his kid, he was trying his best. He was doing the best that he could possibly do. 

   He zoned out as he thought of these things. He imagined it being him who taught Zola her second language. He imagined it being him who would celebrate her ninth birthday with her. He imagined it being him who would live with Zola for all of these years. He wanted it to be him so badly, but he knew that Zola was in better hands. At least she was in better hands until he could get rid of his "personality disorder".

   She looked so happy. Like nothing had ever gone wrong. It was amusing to him, because really, nothing in her life had gone right. She was such a strong girl, and he knew immediately that she had inherited that trait from Natasha. It was something that he had always admired about her, and that was something that Natasha would never know.

    They never gave her the opportunity to meet Bucky specifically because they knew that Bucky liked the girl. For that reason, they punished him, keeping him as James, and having to fight Natasha when she was younger. They would sometimes leave him as Bucky, but when they did, they were testing him. If he did anything out of James' character, then Bucky would be in major trouble. It was confusing, but eventually, it made a lot of sense to him. He learned fast.

   He was happy to see that Zola was kind of getting to do normal people things. It made him smirk just a small bit. Yeah, she was usually on the run, and yeah, she was usually fighting a thirty year old armed soldier, but now, she was getting to do things like watching TV. She was getting to do things like coloring. He hoped that one day, Clint and Natasha were able to provide as normal of a life as possible for Zola. 

   One day, he hoped that he could get rid of James and the winter soldier. Maybe if he did, then Natasha and Clint would be more accepting of him maybe babysitting her, or coming to visit, maybe potentially agreeing upon shared custody. He knew that he was pushing it with the last one, but for years and years, it would be a dream of his. 

   "Bucky?" Zola calls, waving her hand in front of his face expectantly. He had been staring at her for a little while. He had completely forgotten how creepy that could be to normal people. Technically nobody liked to be stared at, but Bucky didn't understand social cues like that.