Before He Say Goodbye

SS2: Not A Tinderella Love Story

"Can't feel anything, when will I learn?I push it down..."

She is sitting alone on her bed as this song plays inside her head, watching how the light from her ceiling reflects on the floor that is below it. The light that it portrays is not that strong as she thinks rather it portrays dimness all over her room. It is already five am in the morning and it seems like all her sleepiness that she felt is long gone, all she can do now is to stare in dead silenced dark room that surround her. She cannot wait until her neighbor wakes up and plays songs into her radio as she dances hearing all the bits of footstep she makes on the floor. She can never feel the same when she fall asleep and eventually find waking up drenched in her own sweat. It always seems like she has insomnia but rather she has insomnia after she feels that she is about to sleep. But it never bothered her and it does not even make her feel like she is tired, she thinks her body is immune to this kind of routine hence she just go with flow with it, after all she literally hates sleeping because she is not a light sleeper. Now that she is thinking about this stuff, she think that this is the perfect time to chit chat with someone, maybe find some new accompanies that can cater her some solutions on her sleeping problems. 

She grabs and open up her laptop as her noisy neighbor started to play that was inside her mind a while ago and as soon as she types in her password, pops of notifications comes in, a lot are from her Email but she does not care at the moment, this hour is not her working hour so she is free to leave it unopened. She then open up her browser and search up for Omegle, she knows that it is not the best site to find someone to talk to but she does not even have the guts to complain to herself because all she needs now is someone that can feel that she indeed enough; even if just for a while, even if just in her mind. And so she did, she is now staring at the Omegle sign as she puts down her interests, she just puts some common one like friend, Tik tok,love because she is open for one despite of her schedule; "I hope I won't be seeing some tender juicy hot dog today, I am not really that hungry for it." She said while she giggles. She fixed her position on her bed and fixed up her hair, she puts it in a messy bun and put her eyeglass on top of her head, "I do not want to portray as a nerdy kind of person, do I?" After she is done she now opens her webcam and clicks for the "Video" icon, she waits for a bit and shivering of course because it is actually her first time using this site, and to her surprise, she saw a juicy one, literal juicy one she clicked stop so fast she does not even care to say hello.

"Oh gosh, people nowadays, why are they keep on doing that..." She said as she shook her head. Throat is becoming to feel dry so, she grabs her coffee on the side but to her surprised that it is full of ants. She does even bother them and drinks anyway. She might have though that everybody is dying so why not let this thing have their easy death. She gives her full focus on the screen as it flashes a guy; she seems so surprised because of how the guy has been looking for her for almost a minute. She was too busy drinking her coffee so she does not noticed that he has been staring at her the whole time.

"You should've said something, you just let me drink my coffee that has full of ants in it, it's a bit weird to think, you know? She said while the colors on her cheeks drained down.

"You looked cute while you're sipping in though, I wouldn't like it if I bother you." He responds. She does not know how she will responds that this point but she knows that this guy will make something flipped in her.

---

"How about we meet after the pandemic? I can come there, it's just twenty minutes drive." She does not know what to respond on his question. They have been talking for almost three hours now. She barely know the guy, she just know that he lives near on her house, and he is a a doctor too as her. She actually gave her social media account and they are now talking via Messenger, she cannot believe that she actually trust him to know her personal accounts and data. But she does not care, she is desperate to say the least.

"Hmm, let me draw you a picture, when will this pandemic end? After ten years? Twenty? Thirty? I don't even know if you could wait until that moment come." Her eyes rolled as she listen him giggle. "All becomes true when you imagine." He looks her directly on her eyes though the screen and said, "Believe me for once." And she lost out of words, wondering why does it feels like this person knows her for a very long time, is this the reality that is sipping in or is this the world she created? She do not even know. 

---

The sad truth though about love is that love is very mysterious, people never know when it starts or finished. It is just love is so unpredictable that even though a person just created the world that circulated around the one particular person that they love, they do not know what is to come. They seems like they do not understand every details of it  because it is going so fast but  is it really becoming too fast for them to handle or it is becoming too unrealistic? People do not know now until they check the reality. The reality that they are ignoring like they ignore every hints. 

She can never imagine life without feeling the feeling of being love. Even if her mind is playing with her; cool tricks like creating a  world that she does not need to be belong just to say to herself that she is in her ideal world, however this does not always the case, sometimes even the reality and what she is imagining in her mind is playing with her; she cannot really perceive the reality as it is in this moment of loneliness and the only thing that her mind can do is to create, and that is what she believes now; but how much longer? She is the only one that can know that.