Fading Away || Hayley Williams + Taylor York oneshot

Fading away

"Yeah that dress looks good, but babe, don't you notice how it's making your waist and thighs look bigger? I mean... Yeah, they are a bit bigger nowadays and it's not that I don't like your body now but just imagine how hot you'd look if you were as small as they were when we first met. Now that would reaaally turn me on", Chad said and bit his lip looking at Hayley standing in front of him in a black dress she had bought for an event they were going to together tonight. The expression on Hayley's face went from being excited about the new dress to being hurt by Chad's words in just a blink of an eye. Chad saw the change but he didn't care too much, Hayley was always moody anyways and he had no time for that. He got up from the bed and snuck his hands around her narrow waist, expecting her facial expression to change but that was like expecting for magic to happen. Hayley grabbed his arm to reject his touch but he was stronger than her. He got closer, pressing a little peck on her porcelain cheek while holding her close. Hayley wanted to get away. His arms around her didn't feel like home after the words that had came out of his mouth.

"Chad, stop, I'm not in the mood for this right now", she said and pushed him away. Surprisingly, he backed off easily and let her go without trying to fight back. He rolled his eyes as she escaped the bedroom with tears in her eyes. She wasn't going anywhere else than the bathroom that evening, that's what she knew for sure.

Those words said by her lover was all it took for her to start spiraling.

---

Comparing herself to everyone possible. Telling herself she's only going to lose few pounds so Chad would love her more. Skipping meals and actually losing those few pounds. Measuring her body parts daily in hopes for a change. Hidden scales. Crying in front of the mirror when she was alone at home. Hating herself. Slowly spiraling down.

It took her an enormous amount of courage to tell Chad she's not okay and needs him to shelter her from a complete breakdown.
"Yeah okay, well, you already know I'm here for you babe", Chad told her with no emotion in his eyes. He wasn't even looking at her. The worst part of it was that she believed him even though she saw the lack of affection in his gaze. She believed he was going to be there for her. Those words meant the world to her before she recognized the emptiness in them, but that wasn't until much later in a place much worse than this.

Soon after his promise made out of empty words he left her home alone because he had better stuff to do; getting drunk with his friends. She was left alone in their bed that felt bigger and colder than ever. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and no matter how badly Chad treated her she still wished the soothing arms around her body right now were Chad's instead of her own. But that was love, right? Love was pain and it certainly didn't matter if that pain was caused by your lover. Because love was pain. At least to Hayley anyways.

The arms she had tightly wrapped around herself began wandering and her fingertips landed on her collarbones. They were more prominent than they were a while ago and it fueled her determination. She decided not to get up to eat anything before sleeping. And when she woke up to feel Chad's heavy figure pressing down his side of the mattress hours later she came to feel bigger satisfaction than she had felt in ages. She fit inside his arms better than she had done in what felt like forever. Her plan was working. It was all going to get better as she got smaller and she could feel it. The only problem was that she should've felt it inside her heart instead of her bones.

---

The battle of gaining control in her life kept on getting more intense without her even noticing. The feeling of being in total control of at least one thing was addicting. What had started off as precisely measured body parts, losing few pounds just for her lover to love her again and little white lies about her long bathroom breaks had turned into having to come up with bigger lies and more clever excuses when her best friends asked her why she's not joining them for dinner after studio sessions.