The new kid

My experience in a new school.

Try to imagine yourself doing the following. Starting a new school. Not knowing a soul. Moving to a different state. Boarding. Being away for weeks at a time from your family and friends. Being constantly homesick. Having a hard time breaking into the grade because everyone has been together since they were young. And I was doing all of this just to get an education.

I had a choice; either I can drop out and get a GED or I could switch schools. I told myself that I was  going to push through and go to a school away from home. You see, my town is different. The way it is there is that there's a "box". They want you to fit in the box and be just like everyone else. What if you don't fit in the "box"? Well, either you fake it til you make it, or leave. There are so many people I know that either left to a different school despite all the challenges, and some sadly dropped out and aren't doing so well. I knew what I had to do. I switched to A new school in 11th grade. Saying that it was hard is an understatement. I remember that at my interview with all of the principals, The main principal told me "it's going to be really hard.." I kept saying " I know I know, but I can do it.." basically brushing it off and not thinking about how hard it will actually be. I mean, of course I could do it, and I am actually doing it! But wow! It's really, really tough. Much harder than I thought it would be. I feel like when people think about the new kid, they don't really understand what it feels like until you're in that place. I thought that maybe I can try to describe what it feels like and maybe it can change things. To be honest, it's different for everyone, and I'm just going to explain my experience. My point is not to make you feel bad for me or feel guilty by what I'm going to say. I just want you to try to understand where I'm coming from and if even one person's life is changed because of this, it will have all been worth it.
My parents drove me the night before orientation. I remember being so excited to start my new journey. This was my time to shine. My time to have a positive high school experience that I so badly wanted. I got to my boarding family and my parents helped me unpack and settle in. As I was saying goodbye to my mom, she told me "Just be yourself and people will love you." That was a huge goal of mine. To just be myself and try my best to not care what others think about me. I went into school with such high expectations. I thought that I'd make best friends already on the first day. I've always had an easy time making friends so I didn't think it would be hard.

But that wasn't the case. "Why not?" you ask. Well, I had a friend from the same town as I who came to This school too. Since we knew each other already, we spent all of our free time together, which made it harder to meet new girls in my grade. In the beginning, everyone was so sweet and welcomed me, but after some time they left me alone because they saw that I was with that friend who was in another grade. She ended up leaving the next year, and for 12th grade I was really alone.
Of course I still tried making friends with the girls in my class, but I felt like no one was interested. The second the bell rang for break, everyone left the classroom and I had nowhere to go. I always wished that someone would just invite me to sit with them by lunch. Another hard thing was being paired up for class assignments. When teachers would tell us to pair up with a friend, my heart skipped a beat. I hated saying "I'd rather work on it alone" when the teacher asked why I'm by myself. No one thought to ask me to join their group and I'm not the kind of person to just join without an invitation. Just to remind you, all of this was so new to me. This had never happened to me before. I was always the girl who people wanted to be partners with. It felt weird to be on the other side for once. Additionally, something that was really uncomfortable was school social events. It is so embarrassing to sit alone and be sad while everyone is with their friends and having a good time. I tried countless times to just go for it and talk to anyone even if it's uncomfortable for me, but it felt like no one even cared. I found myself hiding out in the bathrooms every time the school was dancing, or doing anything fun because I didn't want to look stupid being by myself.
As time went on, I started fading away. The real me, who was always surrounded by friends, very outgoing, couldn't be seen without laughing; disappeared. I became someone who sleeps in class, hardly talks to anyone, and does not participate in any school activities. I hated the person I was becoming, and I didnt know how to get rid of her. And that terrified me. Eventually, I just couldn't take it anymore. I needed to change. I needed this to get better. I had tried everything. I tried to include myself in conversations but I didn't feel like I was wanted. So that didn't help. And then I tried to hang out with people after school but I kept getting turned down. I didn't know what to do. I was at the end of my rope.
This past week was the overnight trip. I wasn't planning on attending because I didn't want to be by myself. This was a way of protecting myself from rejection. My principal however, convinced me to go and said it would be a great opportunity for me to meet new people. That day, I had made a dance for my class to perform at the end of the talent show. For the first time, I felt involved in something and that I belonged. This trip changed my outlook on school. I became a different person, actually, I became myself. I finally wasn't scared to just let go and be myself because I saw that people actually liked me! And because of that, I was able to reach out and meet so many other girls from both my grade and others. I stayed up all night, regaling others with stories, entertainment, Q and A's about myself, And had deep conversations with others. I felt on top of the world and for the first time I realized that what I had been wanting all along, had finally come to fruition.
Here is the message I want to share with you. Firstly, if there is a new kid in your class, talk to her, include her, and make sure she feels welcome. If you see someone alone, don't assume that's what she wants. Go over to her or ask her if she wants to join you and your friends. And most importantly, make the girl feel like you actually care. Say good morning, and do it with a smile. This can make a real difference. And keep in mind that just because it looks like someone is content, it doesn't mean that they are not hurting. Everyone could use a friend, and everyone deserves to feel cared about. We may look different, act different, and come from different backgrounds, but we are really internally the same. Treat everyone as you would want to be treated. Now that I am done expressing my thoughts, I want you, the reader, to close your eyes and think about what it would be like if you were in my situation. Please take this to heart and become that girl who includes others. It will not only make a difference for her life but yours as well.