To Be A Warrior

Chapter 59: Weak

I'm shaking.

My hands can barely stay balled into fists as I hit the punching bag. The blows are weak, causing more of a reaction from my body than the bag. Fatigue clings to my muscles. It's too early for this, too early for me to feel this exhausted, this weak.

I'm not sure what these nanites are doing in my body, but I wish it would just hurry up and get it over with. I have three weeks until I see Sage again, and I pray they pass by quickly.

I never know what the next day will bring. One day I'll feel fine, the next I'll feel like shit but still can run and do my other tasks for the day, then the next-days like these-I can barely function. It hurts to move. It hurts to breathe. My body is weak, and I feel like nothing more than a puppet that's had its strings cut but it somehow is still trying to move.

I thought I knew what I was signing up for when I agreed to take this. I didn't think it would be a constant back and forth from feeling okay to feeling like complete shit.

They work in regions, I think. But even after they're done with a certain area there's an ache that stays for a few days. I came here because I knew it would be empty around this time of day. Everyone is at the cafeteria getting food. Just the thought of eating makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Plus it's easier to be here alone. I don't want to be alone, but I can't let anyone see me like this, and those that know what's going on-well, I don't really want them to see me like this either. I've already got enough problems that I'm forcing everyone to carry, and even though they say they don't mind listening and helping me, I still can't help but feel like I'm a burden, taking up more than I give.

Plus I signed up for this. I don't want them to have to pity me when this was my choice.

And I don't want Sam to see me like this just because I know how much he hates me doing this. He wishes I would have waited, especially after what happened three days ago in that mushroom factory. Not that it would have helped if the zombie would have got me.

I told Sam and Janine what Moonchild said when I got back to Abel, and Janine assured me that we would work on it, but it may be a while since she will need to create a plan that will get me in there and keep me safe from that V-Type. Plus that fungicide isn't really our main concern. It was just something we thought might be a good backup plan until we get the bit of the Edda out. We know that it is now, but it doesn't kill them, just makes them recoil. It irritates them.

I stop trying to hit the punching bag, instead grabbing onto it in an effort to stabilize myself as my legs shake and my chest heaves.

"I hate this," I grumble to myself, even though I know I asked for it. I know it will be worth it, just like the pain was worth it when I was trying to heal my throat so I could speak again, but still, I hate it.

I hear a soft sound behind me, and I turn around just as someone enters the room. My eyes widen, and Nicole's face scrunches up in regret when her eyes meet mine. From the workout clothing she's wearing, she probably wasn't assuming I'd be in here, not when she'd been avoiding me and Sam these last few days.

"You," I say stupidly, and she rolls her eyes.

"That's one way to greet a person."

She drops her bag and starts to stretch, already looking away as if the conversation is over. I don't let it go so easily, but I know Nicole's not stupid enough to expect me to. I let go of the punching bag, straightening my back in hopes she won't see how much effort it takes for me to stand up right.

"You stole my file on Feive."

She looks at me over her shoulder. "I might have."

"It wasn't a question. Why?"