To Be A Warrior

Chapter 33: Cave In

I shiver, the water hitting my skin absolutely scalding compared to the chill that's dug itself into my bones. I had to run back to Abel without my jacket since it was covered in zombie blood, and the night only grew colder as we ran home.

Kefilwe and Steve are with Janine now, giving more details than the basic debriefing I gave before running to take a shower to warm myself up. Plus I want to get this ugly color out of my hair. The shower itself looks like a crime scene with the streams of bright red that run down my back and swirl down the drain. I pray it doesn't stain. Lord knows how long it'll take me to scrub it away if it does.

I don't know how to feel, knowing what we know now. I'm sure Janine will think of something; she usually does. There's always someone who can and will come up with a plan, but even with that knowledge, there's this uncertainty, this worry and fear that sits deep within me, leaving me feeling like I'm standing on unstable ground. I've been praying while I've been in here since it's the only place that's quiet but still warm. I've been asking, just close to begging for some kind of answer to what we should do-what I should do.

I don't get an answer, not that I expected to suddenly just hear God tell me what to do. The sense of peace that comes with prayer is there, but it is quickly overshadowed by my own mounting worries. I just want an answer to something! It doesn't even have to be about this. It could be about my dreams, my immortality, the Original, the V-Types, anything!

I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm wandering around in the dark. How can I carry on if I can't find You?

The noise of the water hitting the tile floor is almost deafening, but it is the only sound I hear. My heart sinks in disappointment, although I know I shouldn't just expect an answer right away. It's not exactly like I deserve it, seeing that I have so little faith and yet always such high demands.

"Callista?" Sam's voice echoes against the tiles and water. "Are you alright?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah," I say quickly, rubbing a hand over my face as if to snap myself out of my trance. "Have I overwent my time?"

"No, I just uh-well, I wanted to just come check on you. Nadia told me what happened with you and that girl and the jacket."

"Oh."

Silence follows my clipped response.

"Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" I force a coy tone to my words.

"Well, I just know it's been awhile since you uh, had that kind of strength, and Steve and Kefilwe never really knew-I mean, they probably did know, but-"

"But it's different to actually seeing it," I finish. I let my head hang down as I wait for him to reply. There's a strange sense of numbness that comes as I think about what he's said.

He's right. It has been awhile since I've done something like that. I remember the slight fear in Steve's eyes, and while at the time I was too preoccupied by other things to think about it, thinking about it now reminds me why I wanted even this kept a secret.

People don't like it when you're different, and what's worse is he doesn't even know the half of it.

"Does Janine need to speak with me?" I ask after a moment, figuring Sam is still in his head trying to think of what to say next.

"Uh, no, no," He replies. "I think she got all she needed from Bots and Steve. She's probably in her office now, trying to figure out what we're going to do since there are... agents waiting for this signal, whatever it may be."

"Well, we've at least done something, right? Any pills the Riders send out now will be placebos."

Sam hums in satisfaction. A small victory is still a victory. "Yeah, and they still think you're dead. Did Nadia say anything about your hair?"