Soldiers of Misfortune

Letting Go

Levi POV
Eren screamed holding his head. He had just kissed me like what I had done to him. It had filled me with hope. Was he remembering? Now he was unconscious. Erwin came running when I yelled for help. He brought a teacher with him. Once more they called for an ambulance for him.
“Go, Armin needs you.” I shoved the big lug away. My hand clutching Eren's. How had this kid gotten me so involved? I watched his face, pain racking my body. Nothing showed on my face. Of that I was certain. One lessen I learned form Kenny, never let anyone see your weakness.
They came and I refused to leave his side. The teachers allowed me to ride in the ambulance with him. I was pretty sure it was due to the fact they were all afraid of what I would do if they didn’t. Whatever, I got to stay with him.
Once at the hospital I had to let him go. I paced the waiting room feeling like a caged tiger. Some official from the school showed up with Erwin. The tall blond leaned against the wall, his shrewd eyes watching me.
“Armin?” I asked.
“Connie.” He explained. I only nodded. The official glanced at Erwin‘s immobile body as I paced. I heard the guy hiss at my friend.
“We brought you here to control him.” The guy snarled. That wasn’t possible. I thought. Erwin smirked at him.
“There is no controlling him.” He answered. His blue eyes flicked from me to the official for a second. “Pray Eren wakes up, that’s all we can do right now.” He stated. I knew he was watching me again.
“What if he doesn’t?” the man said.
“Then you better know how to run. Since Levi just heard you say that.” I smirked at how pale the guy went. Erwin watched me. He was between Eren and the door. I knew why. I had a limited space to run, well not really. He knew that. Erwin, the guy was a Saint. He has dealt with me for a long time. I turned again in my track. This time nearly walking into the doctor. Her hands gripped my shoulders to steady me.
“Are you here with Eren Yeager?” She asked. She had kind eyes. Tired, but kind. I nodded. She gave me a smile. “Well, he is asking for someone named Levi.” She said.
“He's awake?” I asked. She nodded. “It appears he had a blood clot pressing on a vein. It shifted, which caused him to black out, but he will be fine. I have him on some blood thinners right now. I want to keep him here until I know the clot is out of his brain.”
“This is Levi, can he go see him?” Erwin asked.
“Now wait just a minute…” the official began. My eyes bore into him. He began to sweat as he backed away. “Uh, ok, Mr. Ackerman can go see him.” The man stuttered.
“Follow me.” The nurse said with a slight smile. Once we were behind the door she chuckled. “That’s one icy stare you have there, kid. Kind of reminds me of my little brother.” She turned those eyes on me. “He was gruff on the outside, a marshmallow on the inside. You're not like that. I can see.” She paused beside a curtain. “I will give you some advice. The past is behind you, if you love him, be the man he needs, not the one you were forced into.” Before I could say anything, she pulled the curtain back. Eren laid in the bed.
His sea green eyes were watching the TV, until the curtain opened. They fell on me. “Levi!” He cried, as much as his wired mouth could. A huge grin, my huge grin, on his face. I dashed across the short space to him. Leaping onto the bed, I pressed my knees on either side of his waist. I didn’t care that she was still watching, I kissed him. His arms wrapping around me.
“You remember me, now, shitty brat?” I hissed. He chuckled, nodding. I sighed lowering my head to his chest. Listening to his heartbeat I began to calm down.
“Damn, Eren you have to stop scaring the hell out of me like this.” I whined. I hated the note in my voice. Hated how it shook. Hated how I couldn’t truly tell him just what it was he made me feel. His arms held me. I was careful not to put too much stress on his broken one. He stroked my hair, humming softly. My eyes closed. Eren, he was safe once more.
“Yeah, he doesn’t sleep well.” A voice said. There was silence aside from the scratching of a pen. “No, it well it’s his place to tell you. Let’s just say he didn’t come from the best of homes.” More scratching. “No, Levi is…” He paused. “...awake.” I felt a tapping on my head. “You're breathing changed, little runt.” Erwin snickered. I lifted my head.
“Fuck off, eyebrows.” I muttered. I pushed myself up. Eren was smiling down at me.
“Now that you're awake, I will let the nurses know they can put Eren in his bed.” He walked out. I knew he only left to give us privacy. My eyes scanned the IV in his arm, I followed it up to the monitors. His good hand tugged on my sleeve. Looking down he held out the tablet.
“He always seems tired.” Was written at the top.
“How come?” was under it.
“Is that why he is always sad.” My breath caught. No one assumed I was sad. They just thought I was pissed off with the world.
“My mom died when I was six.” I explained. “Up until then, well she was all I had. She was the only person that showed me love, or even kindness. I had to fight for everything I got after that.” I looked away. “Her older brother Kenny took me in. He was worse than abusive, he just didn’t care.” I ground out. “I was ten when I met Erwin. I almost killed him for his lunch. He offered to share it with me. Treated me like a wild animal.” I blinked at the bright light. “I don’t know why, but he kept coming to the slums, everyday, at lunchtime. He always shared his lunch with me. It took a while but we became friends.” Eren tugged on my arm.
“Erwin is kind.” He had written. I nodded.
“Yeah. But it has always left me feeling a bit indebted to him. I haven’t given him nearly as much as he has given me.” I said. Erwin had helped me get my freedom. I may be locked up in this boarding school, but I was free of Kenny because of that brilliant wonderful brain of his.
“You killed Kenny.” Eren wrote.
“DAMN IT, BRAT!” I yelled ripping the paper off of the tablet. I ran into the bathroom soaking it before flushing it down the toilet. Coming out I saw Erwin and the nurses were back. I waited as they moved Eren into a regular hospital bed. The nurses left with the stretcher.
Eren' eyes followed me. God, I hated how that made me feel. I hated him, but what was this other feeling? How the hell was it even possible for me to feel this way? I was only sixteen, or at least that’s any one’s best guess at my age. I didn’t even know when I was born. I pushed off of the door to walk over to his bed.
“Levi, what’s wrong?” Erwin asked. He didn’t try to touch me or stop me. This was how he treated me when he just wasn’t sure what my mood was. Sometimes I still think he sees me as that wild boy who had attacked him. I looked up at him. I felt empty inside. A feeling all too real for me.
“Levi?” Erwin breathed out. A hand touched mine. The fingers sliced in between my own. Eren. The fucking brat was there, pulling me back from my own personal abyss.
“Yes, Eren, I killed Kenny.” Slowly my eyes went to his. Would he leave now? Was this what pushed him away from me. “And I got away with it.” I said. The hollow inside me growing. Blackness was filling me up, like always. I was tittering on an edge that only one person has ever pulled me back from.
“I love you.” Those three words froze me where I stood. I gasped. The air being sucked from my lungs. I could only stare at those blue green eyes. He forced himself to say it again through the wires in his jaw.
“I love you, Levi.” He forced out. His hand tightening on mine. Pulling me toward him, I felt like a doll that couldn’t control its own movements.  “You, your mine, always.” He was going to hurt himself if he continued to try to speak. His hand left mine. I felt the darkness brewing just beside me.
Then his fingers brushed my cheek. They came away wet. I never cried. I didn’t cry for my mother; I didn’t cry for food when Kenny held it hostage from me. I didn’t cry when Kenny killed my only childhood friend. I didn’t cry when Kenny beat me, cut me kicked me, raped me. I didn’t cry, until this fucking brat broke me. Now, I couldn’t stop.
My body shook with the tears that I held in all my life. “Eren…” That one word, my cry for help. He yanked me against him. I couldn’t resist. I fell into his chest. My sobs echoing in the closed space. Erwin closed the door, turning the water on in the bathroom, I was sure so no one came to check on us. I bawled into the broad chest of this insignificant brat. My fingers clutched his shirt. He held me tightly. So tightly, that it felt like he was forcing all the broken parts of me together. What would it make if they molded back into a human? Was I even truly human any longer? I had spent so much of my life in the dark, the dirt, the pain, was there any humanity in me left to save?
I woke again, had I cried myself to sleep? I touched my face. It was sticky from the tears. Sitting up, the room was dark. My head ached. I groaned gripping it. This was enough to wake the sleeping man in the chair. He raised his golden head. The moonlight reflecting on his eyes.
“Levi?” I knew it was a question, yet what was the answer.
“My head hurts.” I whispered.
“Probably because this is the first time you have ever cried. I doubt you cried even as a baby.” Erwin being sarcastic was creepy.
“Shut up, eyebrows.” I muttered rubbing my head. I slipped out of the bed, stumbling into the bathroom. I used it, washed my hands and face before coming back. He held out his hand to me. Inside was some Tylenol. He gave me a cup of water. I took the pills.
“Do you love him?” He asked. I sighed.
“Honestly, I don’t even know. I have never been loved. How does it feel?” I asked.  Erwin turned his head to look out the window. The full moon shone in his blue eyes.
“Nothing else matters but that person. They are all you think about. You wonder if they are OK. Are they eating? Are they getting hurt? Do they need anything. You do everything to help them.” He paused.
“You've done all of that… for me.” I whispered.
“Because I have been in love with you since I met you, Levi.” He whispered. “Don’t worry, I knew you never felt it the same way.” Slowly he turned to look back at me. “Maybe I loved the fact that you needed me. Armin has slowly been steeling my thoughts.” He smirked. I chuckled.
“I, Erwin, I, uh…” I paused looking down at the floor. “Can I even love?” I whispered. The tears so close to the surface again. I pushed them back.
“You already do. Whether or not you can admit it, that’s something you will have to figure out. But I see it. The way you look at him. How you rush to defend him. The way you can’t be away from him for too long. Levi, you already love him." He stated.
I love Eren Yeager. The thought circled my brain as I watched the man sleep. I loved him. I lo… I closed my eyes. I could only hurt him with my feelings.
“Kenny's dead. You don’t need to run from him any longer.” Erwin said.
“My uncle maybe dead, but there are many people who want to have his killers head on a spike. I can’t afford to love anyone. When he wakes, tell him…” I froze. I feared leaving his side.
“Tell him…” A hand fell to my shoulder.
“You walk out that door, and I will be right behind you. So, if there is anything you want to tell him, you’ll have to do it your God damn self, Levi.” There was a coldness to Erwin's tone.
I smirked. “Deal.” He laughed with me.