Saving Natasha

PART 62: HELP

STEVES POV

The week after natasha had been kidnapped, she wandered around the house with her hair in braids. She refused to sit down and eat with us. She'd wander into a room, sit down somewhere and walk back out again. She kept to herself and didn't say much to any of us. She liked to wander around until she found me and just demand cuddles. Don't get me wrong, I love her cuddles, but I was beginning to get worried.

I was wandering around the kitchen, cleaning up after dinner, which, once again, Natasha had refused to eat, when she came in.

"Is that my sweater?" I looked at the huge jumper she was wearing that came down to her knees.

"No" she held her arms out and I walked into them. I rested my chin on her head and took a deep breath.

"Hey Natasha?"

A muffled "Mmm" was all I got in response.

"Who's Colin?"she turned around to face the doorway.

"What do you mean who's Colin. He's right there. Come on Steve, he's been living with us for the past week" she turned around again and wrapped her arms around me "you could try a little harder"

"Natasha, there's no one there"

"What do you mean there's no one there. Steve. He's standing right there. Open your eyes super soldier"

"Natasha, there is no one living with us, there was no one with you in the red room, you were on your own. Colin doesn't exist" Natasha pushed me away.

"What do you mean he doesn't exist. HES RIGHT HERE"

"Natasha please"

"NO STOP. SHUT UP STEVE" she turned and left the room, slamming the bedroom door. I just wanted to help her, but I didn't know how to. I knelt on the floor of the kitchen and let the tears fall. We were all wrong. We were focussed on taking the girl out of the red room. But we needed to get the red room out of the girl.

After an hour I walked into our room, Natasha had fallen asleep on the window seat, I walked over to her, stepping over my jumper which she had thrown on the floor. I picked her up and lay her on the bed. I sat at the end of the bed and watched the slow rise and fall of her chest. Her ribs were clearly visible through her shirt. She hadn't eaten in far too long. She down right refused whenever I brought up the topic. Her cheeks were hollow and there were dark circles under her eyes.

The sight of Natasha now brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to help her but she wouldn't let me. She was shutting me out, she was shutting the world out. I couldn't blame her. If I had been through everything she had. I would want to block out the world too. It had caused her so much pain.  

I tucked her underneath a blanket and walked back into the kitchen. I grabbed my phone and texted Bucky

How do I help her Bucky. What can I do to help her. Its the only thing I want in the entire world. To help her. But she wont let me. She wont let me in. How do I help her. Help me help her.