Innocent

Chapter 15: Bloodlust

Niemand ist mehr Sklave, als der sich für frei hält, ohne es zu sein.

None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." 

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (Elective Affinities)

 Flashback:

 I gripped harder to the bars of my small cell. My heart trembled against my chest as fear swallowed me whole. I was almost raped. I could feel my bones shaking as everything in me was trying together. I stood tall, because I knew sitting down would be my undoing. I glanced down at the horrible excuse for a knife that was lying on the floor deep in a puddle of dark red blood. I had almost killed him. I wanted to. I knew it. Deep in my new twisted heart, I wanted to kill him, not just out of self-defense but out of anger. How dare he try to take advantage of me. I shook the bars restlessly, as if maybe I could break out of my thoughts. Blood. So much blood.

 My cellmate was currently being moved to another facility, far, far away from me. Ben had made sure of that. I stood in the corner of my cells, as I crossed my arms, my hands clawing at my skin. Maybe if I peeled off all my skin then it would get rid of the linger of his touch.

  My veins were humming, and the darkest corner of my mind was singing in delight. I had a sick urge of bloodlust. Prison had done that to me, made me sick with urge and desire and what could have been. The future had become my favorite what if. The prison warden gave me a look of pity and I realized how much I needed it. How much I needed someone to think I was human. No one had thought of me that way in a long time.

 Ben unlocked the cell, and moved another prisoner in. He was a boy about my age, 15 or so. The boy reached out to me, wiping tears I hadn't known were there. "Hi," The beautiful boy said quietly, "My name is Aiden."

All I remember is being carried. The feeling of weightlessness as someone had swooped me in their arms and was now taking me, who know's where. I felt like a feather in the palm of a stranger's hand so light, and so helpless as I was completely at the mercy of he who carried me. I struggled to stay awake, slipping in and out consciousness, each time waking up only to a clear blue sky. We were walking, no we were running. I felt my body bouncing up and down, but I couldn't speak. I was only frozen, stuck in the place between reality and dreams. Where all dreams felt real, and if I tried hard enough I was really someone else. I made incoherent sounds as I tried to move, trying to turn to see who my guardian angel was. I couldn't move. I was held down by what felt like a million weights, as if the world was perched on my shoulders and I could hear my bones crack under the weight. 

Suddenly the world came to a stop, and my vision blurred as I came face to face with my guardian angel. The mess of blonde hair and smoldering blue eyes meant only one thing, it was Matthew. "I'm sorry." He whispered softly as he set me down and moved a strand of loose hair from my face. "You were never meant to get hurt." He muttered as his soft lips brushed my forehead. His kiss was quick and quiet like a thief in the dead of night. I felt a burning sensation in my arm, something that wasn't there before. Matthew whispered again, "I'm so sorry." But this time, his eyes showed no remorse. Then it all went dark.