'The Silence Behind his Lies' (Hamilton AU)

Chapter Three

3rd Person's POV

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Suicide, nightmares, disordered eating, self hate, suicidal thoughts, self harm implied. (Stay safe 💖)

"Alexander!" he whipped his head around at the sound of a familiar laugh. "There you are! I found you!" Sheer shock crossed Alex's face. He simply stared at his brother, before looking around at the beach they stood on. Dried sticks and seaweed poked out off the ground, and small board walked paths led down the dry grass hill to the small waterfront cove where they played.

"... James?" He started walking ever so slowly towards the boy, who stood in front of him with his arms outstretched, laughing kindly.

"Alex, oh gosh I couldn't find you for ages! Where on earth were you hiding?" He reached Alex, placing a hand on each shoulder, gently tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.

"What are you talking about... James..?"

"You really are the king of hide and seek!" James giggled softly, ruffling his little brothers hair fondly, before pulling him into a tight hug. Alexander's breath hitched. He could smell the smoke off his brothers shirt, meaning he must have just gotten back from work, he worked as a blacksmith's apprentice in town. His strong arms held him close, one wrapped round his shoulders and the other pressing his head into his brother's chest. He found himself sobbing, overwhelmed, grasping James's shirt and carelessly dragging it across his face.

"Aww, no baby, don't cry, come here," James knelt to his knees brushing Alex's tears away and his hair out of his eyes, "see, it's ok sweetheart. Come, let's get back home for dinner, mum's making stew!" James through his hands up in mock excitement, trying to cheer Alex up. He was treating him like a 5 year old (which makes sense, as that was the time the dream is set, and Alexander found himself in his 5 year old body), but it was something Alex craved. He needed to be nurtured, held tightly, told everything was going to be ok. He had missed this so much.

"Now Lexi, I'm going to need a small favour from you sweetheart, is that ok?" James murmured into his ear as he stroked his hair, calming his little sibling's burst of panic.

"Mhm," Alex hummed softly, still clutching his brothers shirt in a kind of daze. Suddenly his fingers were prised open as he felt James thrust a shotgun into his hands. He went to say something in the panic, but James had already wrapped Alexanders slim fingers around the trigger, and held it against James's forehead.

"I need you to press down on the trigger for me sweetheart, nice as briskly please." His voice had changed, it was colder, lacking empathy, and laced with tears.

"Jamie, please-" Alex begged, he could hear James breathing quicken, and the younger boy's 5 year old brain could quite comprehend the situation.

"PULL THE FUCKING TRIGGER ALEXANDER!" James pressed sharply down on Alex's fingers, and a shot rang out through his ears as the world around him cut to darkness.

***

He hit the floor with a thump.

Jerking his head up, he ran his fingers through his hair and back down over his face, rubbing his eyes and wiping the tears. For about ten seconds he just sat in a crumpled heap on the floor, letting his heartrate slow down and his hot skin cool off, before even attempted to take in where he was or the condition he was in. 'Focus on breathing, in and out, in and out, in and out... now stop forever-' He shook his head, desperately trying to rid his mind of intrusive thoughts, then turning his attention to where he was. He lay on the floor beside 'his' bed, tangled up in the duvet, which he was surprised by as he hadn't remembered getting under them when he went to sleep. Groggily he tried to stand, with the intent of finding a clock of some sort, before his weak legs gave way under his fatigue and he collapsed to the ground again.