Trigger warning: Self harm and suicide attempt.
Pointless.
Absolutely pointless.
I put my head down on my desk. Everything is pointless. We go to school for five days every week for several years just to get a job that will suck the soul out of us for the rest of our lives. I see absolutely no point in-
"Hey, you okay?"
I raise my head a bit just to look at Alix, my seatmate. She's been increasingly worried about me lately. My thoughts can't be that obvious, can they?
"Yeah. Just didn't get enough sleep last night."
I mean, that's not wrong, but it's not the entire truth either. Alix hesitates before frowning and nodding. I just put my head back down, waiting for this class to be over.
The bell rings, and I wait for everyone else to leave before me. Alix has picked up on this and often waits along with me. This time, I'm going to see her race with Kim. This is the first time I've seen them compete, but it's the tenth time or something for them.
I don't get it, but if it will make Alix happy, I'll go.
We arrive at the town square.
"Look, Alix brought her pet!"
My face goes red with embarrassment as I place my hands in my pockets while trying not to make eye contact with anyone. Alix huffs next to me.
"Shut up, Chloé. Go back to fawning over Adrien."
Chloé scowls and storms off with Sabrina. I let out a chuckle as we approach the group. Typical Chloé. However, my happiness is cut short when I see Kim smirk. What is he going to say now?
"Chloé's joke aside, I didn't think it was possible for anyone in our age group to be shorter than Alix. Is there something wrong with you, (Y/N)?"
Ouch.
This time, everyone's eyes are on me, except Alix's. With her glare, she might as well be burning holes into Kim's empty head. I sigh as I place a hand on Alix's arm.
"Don't mind him. Just beat this buffoon. I know you can do it."
Alix's cheeks gain a light dusting of pink, before she looks back at Kim. She nods and they take their places at the starting line. Alix gives me one last smile before a whistle is blown.
As she and Kim zoom down the path, I am filled with guilt. Here I am, sticking a fake smile on my face acting like everything is okay. Everyone else here is enjoying themselves, and I'm just some abomination of a human being tainting the atmosphere.
Kim said it himself. There is something wrong with me. I can't put my finger on it, but I know there is something wrong. I've always known.
I cross my arms and wince. My hand accidentally brushed against a few of my cuts made fresh this morning by yours truly. I pull my sweatshirt sleeves over my hands. It will all be over soon.
When I look back up, I see Alix cross the finish line with Kim several feet behind. She throws her hands up and cheers as she rolls toward me. I smile.
"Great job, Alix!"
I uncross my arms, which Alix grabs in an attempt to throw them up and celebrate with me. An involuntary cry of pain escapes me. Alix stops and lowers my arms.
"How bad did I hurt you...?"
Alix trails off. I watch as her eyes widen with realization as to why I'm hurt. I tear my arms out of her grip and run off, ignoring everyone calling out to me.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
I don't stop until I reach my room. I grab my head and the tears finally fall.
"This wasn't supposed to happen! I was just supposed to come home and end it all without anyone knowing."
My breathing is erratic as I search around my room. I sigh as I finally find what I'm looking for.
A gun.
I run a thumb along the side as I check if it's loaded. It was going to happen one way or another. Except in the second variation, others would die along with me. Maybe just one other, or a whole class. Who knows, I never got the chance.
A bittersweet smile finds its way on my face as I raise the gun to my head.
"Alix, I'm so sorry... but know that I loved you."
The last part is choked out as my crying becomes audible.
Something shoves me and pins me down. The gun falls to the floor. Through my tears, I see pink hair and blue eyes that are probably just as teary as mine are.
"W-what? Why-"
"No! Don't do this, (Y/N)! I... I..."
Alix's tears fall on my face. They mix with my own cascading tears. Something lands with a soft thud by the window. I glance over. Ladybug. Alix turns her head and nods toward the gun.
Ladybug's expression becomes crestfallen as she picks up the gun.
"I'll take care of this. Take care of her."
Alix nods and Ladybug leaves. She moves off of me a minute later when she's sure I won't do anything drastic. She pulls me into a hug, holding me tight.
"Please don't do this. I... I love you, too."
My mind stops its stormy thoughts as soon as Alix says those words.
'I love you, too.'
That's all my brain can focus on now. Alix pulls back and grabs my hands. She looks up at me for permission and I nod. She looks back down and pushes my sleeves back to reveal everything I've done to myself.
Alix gasps and lightly runs her thumb over a burn mark on my right arm. She leans down and kisses a scar on my left arm. My face flares.
"We'll get through this together. I promise to be with you every step of the way."
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Miraculous Ladybug x Female Reader Oneshots - COMPLETE
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