class of 2013 ✓

14 | ideal self

Monday morning is the first time I've been out of my bed since Friday.

I severely underestimated how caught up I'd be in my thoughts. My parents seemed to notice, but they haven't made an effort to try to get me out. They'd just leave food outside my room for me to eat when I get hungry. Now that I think about it, it's probably because they were so used to this behavior from Aria that they're unfazed.

Honestly, I wasted a lot of time, curled up under the covers. I just stayed there doing nothing.

So, obviously, the chilly spring air billowing my skirt feels somewhat foreign after I've been cocooned between blankets for longer than I'd like to admit.

Luckily, school ends before I know it, and although I hardly absorbed any of the material, I'm glad to be back. Sitting through different class periods gives me some semblance of normalcy that I crave.

That being said, I can't seem to find the motivation to do anything anymore. I mean, what's the point anymore? Everything I do is never enough. I don't know what I want in life anymore. I can't find enjoyment in things. I feel trapped inside the walls of my mind. Stuck. And most importantly, lost. Because the future is uncertain, and I have no idea what's going to happen or what I'm going to do anymore. I miss my childhood, where I didn't have to worry about this stuff. Life was so simple back then.

But that was before Aria died.

I'm tired, and this isn't the type of exhaustion that could be cured by a cup of coffee or even a good night's sleep.

As soon as the bell rings, you best believe I already had all my things packed up so I could bolt out of the classroom quicker than the speed of lightning. A sea of bodies clogs the main hallway, right in front of the office's vacant doorway. Impatiently, I maneuver around a cluster of students idly standing near the water fountains.

Chatter echoes off the periwinkle walls, and I try my best to drown out all the noise, but the surrounding chaos engulfs me. The ringing in my ears intensifies tenfold.

Somehow, amidst all the commotion, my eyes drift their way to Nea, who amongst all our fellow peers, stood out like a sore thumb. Mostly because unlike the rest of the class of 2013, she didn't look lost. Quite the opposite. Determination steeled in her gaze, trained at one spot on the cafeteria door.

For some odd reason, I was always inexplicably magnetized toward her. Maybe it's because whatever I lacked, she excelled in. And in some twisted way, together, we lived to form a whole person.

Sheepishly, I dodge clusters of students, extending my arm just enough to gently tap her sweater-clad shoulder.

In one swift movement, she turns to face me while simultaneously clutching a three-ring binder closer to her chest. A glance in my direction and her expression immediately hardens.

"Hey." I inhale sharply. "Dude, can you tell the Wongs I might not show up today. I'm not feeling it."

Her glossy nude lips purse for a second as she considers me. "I don't think I have to tell them. That's your thing, isn't it? Not following up on your promises? Standing people up? Putting yourself before loved ones?"

A sharp pang pulls at my chest, and I step backward in surprise at the venom in her voice. Where the fuck was this sheer animosity coming from? I've never seen her this livid before, especially since out of the two of us, she's definitely the more level-headed one.

"I—what? What are you talking about?" I manage to stammer, unsure of what else to say.

"You know what I'm talking about," she accuses, shifting on her feet while a hand rests on her left hip, her index finger digging into her plaid skirt. "I'm talking about how you were supposed to meet me and my sister on Saturday to go to a fair. I'm—"