I Lose And I Gain. (BoyXBoy) {Book 1}

∞ Chapter 12 ∞

I never felt this bad.

Taylor had made it clear that talking to each other is out of the question for now, so he stopped sending me "don't forget to eat" massages, not that I forgot, I actually remembered much better, but I just decided to ignore that note in my head.

Now that I stopped eating almost completely again I lost most of the weight I managed to get on before, I slept more and talked less, and by talk less I mean totally ignoring my parents.

As for Tanner? He ignored me now too.

My life is just so dandy right now.

I was walking up and down the halls for a while now, I wasn't going to eat anyway so there was no point to go to the cafeteria. I did have a harder time not eating again because of Taylor, but the depression did its job. I barely felt the hunger.

As I walk around and turn in one of the halls listening to 'The Script - We Cry' I look up from my phone ad notice Tanner and his friends talking while he was exchanging books, my heart skips a beat and I quickly turn back before they could notice me, but still close enough to hear them talking.

I take off my earphones and listen to the familiar voice, "aw cool man! That's awesome!' Tanner says and I can hear high fives, they were about 5 people there.

"Okay look we're gonna head out now so do what you gotta do and join us quick huh?" One of his friends say, I think his name was David or something like that. There's rumors saying his a Jew or something like that, not that I understood why it mattered so much.

"Okay see ya!" Tanner answered and I can hear his group of friends walking away.

This is my chance.

I take a deep breath and walk the corner heading in his direction, he doesn't notice me at first but when I finally reach him he gasps a little in surprise and shuffles uncomfortably.

" Uh.. hi." Is the only thing he manages to say, and that was enough to make me snap.

"Amazing, just fucking amazing. You pretend to care and befriend me but the minute you see something you don't like you ditch me just like that." I snap my fingers in his face and he winces. "Yeah so I have eating problems, I'm not all six packs and shit, good to know that that was enough to scare you off. Asshole." I can't stand seeing his face anymore and I walk away. And to think I wanted to kiss that face not that long ago.

"Wait." He finally says something but it's too late. I just keep on walking.

" Wait!" He says again and this time I can hear him walk towards me, so I walk faster trying hard to fight the tears. I feel like such a baby, but this was just too much for me, too much pain. Now I remember what made me want to kill myself back then. Now I understand myself again.

"I said wait goddamit Dev!" He finally reaches me and grabs my arm spinning me round, I hate it how everyone is stronger then me.

"What?" I snap at him and blink away the tears.

"Wh- are you crying?"he asks confused and a sob finally escapes, "aw, Dev don't cry," he sighed and hugged me. "I'm so sorry I freaked out I shouldn't have done it.."

I didn't let out more sobs, I felt pathetic enough already. So I just nod on his shoulder feeling nice and warm in his arms.

But I forgave him, because god was I lonely. And I missed him too, I felt kinda empty without him.