I Lose And I Gain. (BoyXBoy) {Book 1}

∞ Chapter 2 ∞

"Devin...that's not what I meant," my dad sighed,

"You said 'go outside', I'm outside." I said stubbornly.

"When I said outside I meant to go outside and do something other than staring."

Today was two months since Mark's death, and all I could do was stare.

"I have to pee." I said and got up, going back inside the house quickly before my dad could protest.

I run up stairs going into my room and looked around, I suddenly felt trapped, Mark is dead. Mark is not coming back.

I shook my head, trying to get those thoughts away. They weren't right. They couldn't be right, even after all this time.

I went to my bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face, trying desperately to forget the horrible last moments I shared with Mark.

Mark loved me deeply, and I loved him too. In fact, I'm still deeply in love with him, even though its been awhile since his death.

I looked in the mirror and sighed, I used to look so much better, but after Mark's death I lost so much weight and barely slept, I was almost only skin and bones by now.

I was so sick of the content pain in my chest, the sleepless nights, and the assholes I had to put up at school that all they ever did is pity me.

All I really wanted was just one more day with Mark. Just for him to hold me once again and tell me I'll be alright, that he loves me so much and he'll never give up on me. Just one more day, one more kiss. One more memory with him.

I realized I was crying now, and broke down. I thought with time the pain will fade, but it just got greater. "Why don't you just kill yourself?"

I thought I'll be better by now, but I'm not. So what's the point? I'm just driving myself crazy with pain.

I opened one of the drawers and took out the pills. I've been suffering for way too long, I could just end it now, without thinking about it too much.

Maybe I'll even get to see Mark again, that is,if there really is an after life.

Either way, I won't suffer anymore.

I washed my face again and set down on the floor.

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... 9 pills should do it. Oh fuck it I took all the pills out of the new bottle. This would have to do it.

I stood up and looked in the mirror with guilt. This was so selfish, but I still couldn't stop myself.

I swallowed the first pill, I didn't even need water. I took the second pill in my palm looking at it a bit before swallowing it.

I jumped up a little as I heard a knock on the door, "Dan, are you in there?" An oh-so-familiar voice asked.

There was only one person who called me Dan, the same person I haven't seen in the last two months.

I quickly threw the pills away and flung the door open, and there he was, Taylor Manuel.