In the Name of Order

Chapter 20: Wait

Day 1 with no results

"How do you plan to help us escape?" I whisper, but I'm sure Saint will ignore my question once again.

As suspected, he brushes me off, "You'll know everything you need to know when it's time for you to know them."

He seems more stressed than usual, so I don't push my luck, but I'll try again another day.

"How are you feeling anyway?" This has to be the third time he asks me this question. I'm not sure if he's worried about me or worried about everyone but me; afraid that I'll lose control and start hurting others or even him.

"Fine," I say, not really wanting to discuss my condition with him.

I start to feel bad for my poor replies. We've been sitting together for a while now, and despite his attempts to start or hold a conversation, I don't give him much to work with. Honestly, I've been in an awful mood and don't want to end up saying something that may anger him.

My mother and Mathea don't seem bothered that I am not sitting with them. Maybe they understand I need a break from all of them. It's difficult facing the people you've brought so much pain upon.

Day 2 with no results

Saint doesn't think Eve will get back to me anytime soon. He attended a conference where theories of my condition were discussed, but no one could really say why my condition is worse than the other defects they've cured.

"Hey, don't let that bum you out," Saint continues, "Eve has been testing the cure against your blood cells. The old lady is sure she can make the cure compatible with you."

"It's adapted for different defections, right?"

"Yeah, but the different adaptations contain most of the same substances..." Saint's voice trails off as he watches my eyes follow Kane.

Kane walks past this table without saying a word to me. I watch as he sits with my family and begins eating the lunch prepared for us. I understand his anger.

Honestly, I am angry at myself for putting everyone through this, but I no longer want to feel guilty for things I did not cause. I did not cause my infection, and I did not force Kane to be here. If I could go back in time, I would have told Kane to go home on the night we all escaped the attack at my home. However, I can't go back in time, and either way, this is not my fault.

I've been telling myself this for hours now, but no matter how much I do not want to feel guilty; I can't help but feel it. However, I'll keep telling myself I am not to blame. If I keep saying this, I may believe it after some time and forget I ever thought otherwise.

Day 3 with no results

"I mean, I can't believe him! You're so sick right now, and all he can think about is himself!" Mathea has been rambling about Kane for a couple minutes now.

Everyone's frustration is growing as we wait for information about my cure, and I believe Mathea is directing her frustration at Kane.

"What did he expect me to say? Did he really think I'd give a damn about his problems?"

Earlier on, Kane talked to her about his plans to get out of here, but she dismissed him and said my condition is a bigger problem. I understand Kane; there's no reason why I should be more important than his goals. Besides, he has done enough for me on this journey. I need to get him out of here.

Day 4 with no results

Saint brings a board game to my room today. He hasn't heard much from the doctors about my condition, but a vote is currently being held regarding me. Saint suspects the doctors want to move me to a private location, because they believe I'm a threat to others. Honestly, I think it's a good decision.

"They're also throwing ideas around about what your original state will be. Some of them don't think it will be severe, and Eve even thinks you could just become ordinary." Saint smiles at me as he places two tokens onto the blue board; a boat and a shoe.

I reach out one hand to touch the boat but flinch when I feel a sharp pain in my head.

"Have you taken any of the sedatives?" Saint gently touches my head with his hand, and I can see the concern in his eyes.

"No. I don't need them," I lie. I haven't taken any of them before today. However, just before Saint arrived, I took two.

Day 5 with no results

I haven't seen Eve lately, but I'll ask her about my condition once I do see her. I've heard the Purus often cure people in a matter of two weeks; a few days to adapt a cure and the rest to monitor the cure's effects. However, I can't afford to wait this long. There's no telling what may happen to me during this wait.

Saint also said my dad is getting worried about the amount of time we've spent here. I'm still unsure about how to feel about my father, but I think he does whatever is needed to be done for my family and me. I'm sure he never saw another option when he approved of the treatment from Dr White.

I've also been worried about my mother lately. It looks as if she can't sleep. She looks troubled and exhausted, but I'm not entirely sure her state is caused by our stay here or her worry about me. Honestly, I'd prefer if that were the case, and perhaps it is. Everything she has done has been to get me here, and with my best interest at heart, she created demons that will haunt her forever.