"If anybody could have saved me it would have been you." And i press 'send'.
GOD,I'm so furious right now!Why is this world so fucked up?Why our life don't mean anything?
When i was little i used to wonder how can someone end his life.I mean,back there i used to think that life is the most amazing thing for everyone.But now?Now i wonder how people larn to live with demons inside them,they try to eat you alive.I can feel them in my belly,i try to let them go,but they don't want to.They make me feel worthless,useless...
Here I am,on a roof,trying to kill myself.But guess what? I think i'm just to coward to do that.All my life i tried to make something good,to make someone proud of me,but i didn't do that.I faild myself.I suck at everything,even at life.
Why i can't be pretty?Why i can't be skinny? Why i can't be special?
Only questions on my mind.I try to save myself from me,but i just can't.
"We are nothing on this world" i yeld to the world.
I can feel the wind throw the hair on my face,i'm cold.All that i'm wearing is just a stupid black short dress.I left that supid party with stupid people.All I could feel is the cold air of February hitting my face.In my hend i have e bottle of vodka,my dearest friend tonight and in my mind i have only dead.
This sadness will least forever if i don't stop it now.
I hate you all!But there it is that single lie...hatred.
Hatred can only be for myself.I hate the world because i hate myself.But perhaps this hatred is because i don't fit in.
I am a broken puzzle piece.I have been reformen and recut too many times.
My hends are sheaking and my heart beat just so fast.i'm drunk and scard.
I just sit there,alone and cry.I'm so scared right now.
I just want to feel conected to someone.I want to leave a mark,to mark a soul.
"I want this warld to see me!"
Who i'm a kidding right now?Stupid Ivy,you are just another situette,a fantomatic face that no one notice that is broken,dead inside.That is the saddest thing about people,they never recognize a broken face when they see one.Anyone always smile.Fuck the smile,i don't want to smile anymore,i just can't.I am tired of pretending to be someone else. It's so fucked up how your parents never know what you real feel.They see you smile,and joke about everything,and push you to study,and compare you to other person but the things they never see is you scars,or they never notice your broken smile,they never think that a simple day for them may be your last day.You are all alone in this hell named "life".You try to conect so hard to other but it seems like you never conect with yourself.
I started to cry,i feel so weak right now.I feel lost in my own mind,i need help.I broke the bottle and i cut,i feel so relieve because for a little time i feel in control over my body,i was the one who fight my deamons.I don't even understand myself either,i want to die,to make the pain go away but on the other hand i want to live and fight until the last deamon inside of me go away,i want to prouve that i am not just a simple girl who give up so easy.But,the problem is that I feel tired of me and tired of this world.Nobody care about me,I could just disapear in two minuts and no one will notice.
"You know what?Stop Ivy!You are fearless,you don't fear death,show her that you make the ruls.You want to dissapear now? Fine"
I wiped the tears from my eyes and I stood up.
"Fine,I want to be free.I feel that this is my end"
I sit on the roof of the building and i look down,i am not afraid,i took of that uncomfortable boots and feel the cold cement under my feet,i feel dizzy and i don't have so much control over my body.Who the hell made my drink so much in my suicide day?
I took i deep breathe and i was ready.When i heard something
"Stop! What the hell are you going to do Ivy?Are you out of your mind?"
"Nate?What the fuck are you doing here? Who told you i am here?"
"I know you Ivy,don't you learnd that?Come here."
"No! I can't anymore.I need a reason,i need"
"I'm your reason!Don't you get that?I care for you.You are my reason for living to."
I get down on my knees and i look at him.He stared at me with a scared face,when i realise.
Nate,he is my reason.Nate,my best friend,that stupid curly brown head is my reason.I never look at him like I do now,he is the only person who care about me.
"Come,let's go at my place.I think you are tired"
YOU ARE READING
People are poison
Fiksi Remaja"If anybody could have saved me it would have been you." This is probably her last send text.Ivy try to commit suicide.This is not exactly a happy story .It is about life and depression. She is just a simple girl who tries to accept herself,she need...
