Are you tough enough?

Love is a losing game

Robert didn't dare to fall asleep again. The last time I fell asleep he woke up to her coughing up blood and he was scared what he would wake up to next time. He held her close while she was sleeping.

His eyes wandered across the dark room with only the monitors giving a little light. Their Beeping sound almost drove Robert crazy but at the same time it somehow soothed him. At least that way he knew she was still alive, her heart was still beating.

He didn't really realize how the time went by as he went over what if's in his mind but slowly the room got lighter as the next day slowly started. He looked out of the window and the weather matched his mood perfectly.

It was cloudy and the trees swayed in the wind as small tear drops crash against the window. In a way it was calming but then again he knew Andy would much rather have it be sunny. He was sure he was loosing his mind now. He was angry at the weather. Well he was angry at the entire world. Because he was sure that if one person did not deserve to be sick like this it was Andy. He'd do anything to switch positions with her even when he also didn't want her to go through what he was going through now.

The day went by and nothing seemed to change. Andy slept all day and Robert increasingly got angrier. It felt like no one was actually doing anything for her to get better. Nothing changed and she only got worse as the days went by.

The beeping of the machines increased, Robert looked at Andy but she was still sleeping. Was she? Was she sleeping or unconscious? The beeping got faster and alarms started to go off. Robert got out of the bed never letting go off her hand but when doctors and nurses came running in they pushed him back. Again.

Dr. P: „Her oxygen levels are too low we need to intubate her! Someone get her husband out of the room." She ordered.
A nurse shoved Robert out of the room. He was paralyzed with fear. He stood in front of the window to Andy's room but the nurse closed the blinds.

Robert turned around, leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. Putting his head in his hands. Was this really happening? It couldn't be. This just couldn't be true. They were good, they had gone through so much but they came out even stronger but now, now it was as if the world came crushing down, harder than ever.

Robert got pulled out of his thoughts when the door flung open. He jumped up but when he saw Andy getting wheeled out of the room he put his hand on the wall so he would fall back down again. She didn't look much like Andy anymore, she was just a lifeless body.
Robert gasped for air as tears started rolling down his cheeks.
Dr. P: "Robert, I'm so sorry." She put her hand on his arm for comfort.

"We had to intubate her and she now in a medically induced coma. We are transferring her to the ICU now, visiting hours are technically over but I can give you ten minutes."

She showed him the way to the ICU and to Andy's new room.
Robert walked in, sat down next to her and took her hand. He gently kissed it. Keeping his eyes on the wall or the ceiling, hoping he could keep his tears at bay if he didn't look at her but there was no point really, they streamed down anyways.

R: "I wish I could tell you that it's okay, that you don't have to fight anymore if you are tired, that you can let go but I can't. I can't tell you that. And maybe it's just me being selfish because I - I can't imagine a life without you anymore. I don't know what will be left for me than. But I also know that you are not done yet here. You have plenty of life to live. We do. And maybe we'll even get a little mini Andy or a mini Robert like we had planned. I'm begging you Andy, keep fighting. I know you are tired and in pain but I also know how strong you are and even if you think you don't have any strength left, there is more within you. I know you are not done yet. I need you to stay alive." He cried and just held her hand.

Dr P: "I'm sorry but it's time to go now."
R: "I can't - I can't leave her alone. I promised." He sobbed.
Dr P: "It's okey Robert, we will take good care of her. She's at a point where we will only get the endocarditis under control with a surgery but right now she's too unstable to perform the surgery so we are trying to wait for the right time."

R: "the right time?" He stuttered.
P: "If we want to prevent heart failure we shouldn't wait too long but if we go into surgery and she's not stable enough..."

R: "YOU WAITED TOO LONG. SHES BEEN HERE FOR DAYS AND NOBODY DID ANYTHING! SHE ONLY KEPT GETTING WORSE." He screamed at dr. Pierce but he immediately turned around knowing he was wrong for screaming at her.

"Sorry." He whispered not turning back around to her. Nobody should see how he was falling apart.
Dr P: "It's okey Robert, this is a lot. Go home now, we will call if something changes. I'll see you in the morning."

He heard her walking away and he stormed out of the ICU. He wandered around the hospital in a haze not knowing where he was going or what was his goal exactly. But when he saw a familiar face he quickly got into the next room to hide. Well this room wasn't what he had expected to end up. After a while he snuck back out. Walking through the rain to his car and driving home.

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I know this is very short and I'm sorry but apparently I am not capable of writing long chapters so you have to deal with this...

Also at that one point in the chapter did I fool you for a second?