Accidental Savior

Chapter 6: Swords and Cranberry Sauce

I awoke to light streaming through the windows, and when it dawned on me that I totally didn't have to work today, I stretched in satisfaction. Yawning, I burrowed back under the blankets, unwilling to move out from under them because I was so cold that I guess I hadn't turned the heat on when I'd gotten home, though a curious scraping noise prevented me from drifting back into sleep. Groaning, I cracked my eyes opened to find a strange man sitting in the chair next to my bed and... sharpening a sword.

"Fuck!"

The sight jolted me fully away and sent me flying from bed, only to trip over my laundry pile and fall on my face as my memories from the night before came flooding back.

The man with the pointy ears, Jon was his name, offered me a faint smile as I lifted myself from the floor, but he didn't stop his asinine sword sharpening.

"Good morning, Lottie."

I'd passed out immediately after finishing my shower, so I hadn't gotten the chance to really see him before I had zonked out. That's why I now laughed at the sight of him wearing baby blue velour track suit pants that were three sizes too small for him. He'd chosen to forgo the jacket all together, and thanks to his exposed chest, I could see that he'd cleaned up his wound, which wasn't even bandaged anymore. I was no doctor, but I knew that an injury that bad shouldn't have healed that quickly...

Groaning once more from both mental and physical exhaustion, I looked at the mess that was my shattered phone resting on the countertop when I moved to the kitchen and began boiling some water for instant morning coffee. There was no way I could deal with this man without caffeine.

"How are you this morning? I wanted to prepare some food, but all I could find was ice cream, an expired chicken dish, and a can of cranberry sauce. Although I opened the canned sauce and it doesn't appear to be a sauce at all."

"Oh my god. I can't deal with you this early in the morning." As I spoke, I grabbed a clean mug from the drying rack. It wasn't a particularly special mug. In fact, I'd bought it at the thrift store because I thought it would be a plain black mug that I could leave at work back when I worked in an office. Then I took it home only to realize there was a pair of cartoon boobs on the bottom that were made visible any time I lifted the cup to my lips while it contained fiery liquid. I had used it for about two weeks at that shitty desk job before I figured out the boob thing, and that little discovery at least explained all the weird looks I invariably got every morning when I sat down to prepare for the telemarketing calls I used to deliver.

Placing my hand over my mouth to hide my yawn, I asked. "Want some coffee, Johnny?"

A quick glance in his direction revealed the strange figure smiling at me as he continued to tend to his weapon. "It's just 'Jon' rather than 'Johnny,' although my people usually call me by my full name Jonik... or 'sire' or 'sir' most often. And I'm afraid that whatever you're putting into your cup doesn't smell like coffee."

I snorted. "Weird ass in character cosplayer... And yeah, my coffee might not smell great, but even though you don't smell like trash anymore, that doesn't mean you're not going to always be a trash man in my heart."

I scowled at him for insulting my coffee until he looked down at his sword with a faint grin. Satisfied that I'd won whatever strange battle of wills was going on, I poured the water over the instant coffee granules, stirred it with a wooden chopstick sitting on the counter, then made my way back to my bed.

Jon offered me a few silent moments to drink my coffee, only looking at me long enough to raise his brow quizzically when he saw what was on the bottom of my mug. I grinned over the rim. So, Johnny was a boob man, huh.

Once he was finally satisfied that his sword was now sharp enough, he returned it to his scabbard before regarding me with a smile.

"Did you know you talk in your sleep, Charlotte?"

I frowned, ignoring my mounting apprehension and covering it up with a shrug. "I've been told that, occasionally I... Wait. What did I talk about?"

Jon ducked his head and grinned. "I'm not sure, but I think it involved that law enforcement officer from the cover of your book."

I blushed and turned away once again. "EMT, not a law enforcement officer..."

Seeming to sense my embarrassment, Jon spoke gently yet with a serious expression. "Thank you again for your kindness last night. I don't know what I would have done without you."

I blushed and stared into the black liquid swirling around in my cup. "Don't mention it. And sorry I don't have any food. I was lazy, and I didn't get paid until the day before yesterday. So... breakfast at I-Hop? My treat?"

The guy cocked his head to the side. "I don't believe I'm dressed to go out in public."

His words drew me to look at his body, taking in his well-defined muscles. This man had to be a bodybuilder or a model or some ridiculous shit like that. Guys like this didn't just exist, and the pants I had loaned him were were too tight, which gave me an excellent view of his surprising—

A rapid knock on my door made me jump and my heart skip, and I noticed Jon's hand go to his sword. I frowned in thought as the knocking became more insistent when I didn't go to the door.

Mail people always delivered packages to the box outside the building, and even then I had ordered nothing. And I didn't even know my neighbors, so surely it wouldn't be one of them. They all seemed content to keep things to themselves, and left me to my own devices in exchange. Curious about who the rapid knocker could be, I placed my cup on the bedside table and stood slowly, tripping over the blankets and pillows I'd laid out for Jon while he was in the shower the night before. Slowly, I strode nearer to the door but stopped when the knocking ceased.

Just as I was releasing a breath of nervous energy, a massive bang rattled the door in its frame, nearly making me scream in frightened surprise. I found myself oddly thankful when Jon suddenly placed his bulk between me and the door even though I was more than capable of defending myself. Part of my mind registered that Jon's sword was drawn, even though it was probably stupid because if there was a robber trying to break in or something, then they'd have a gun.

No matter how good of a fighter Jon was, it was just common sense that guns beat swords.

Trembling, I peered around Jon's back. The man was tensed and standing stock still as he listened. After a few moments, he nodded, and I shivered as he turned the deadbolt, then cautiously opened the door and peered outside.

I gasped when I saw a small mass of feathers lying just in front of my apartment door.

"Lottie—"

I ignored him as I pushed him out of the way to find a small cardinal with a broken neck and blood prominent on its bright orange beak.

Shaking and with tears pricking my eyes, I turned to Jon, who still held his sword as he scanned the empty hallway. "What happened?"

After a moment, the man sighed. "Lottie, I believe we need to talk. I'm afraid I haven't been entirely forthcoming with you."

I sniffed, wiping my nose on the sleeve of my pink tracksuit.

Well... fuck... there went I-Hop, probably.