Breathe

Chapter 5

I hadn't eaten anything in 4 days. 4 whole days. I didn't go to school anymore after that day. I was home schooled and I never went out of that house again. Eventually Cameron told Will about my cutting and what happened that day and they never talked to me again. That's what happens when you cut and have this stupid life killing mental sickness. People stop trusting you. And they become scared of you. I think I found my reason for cutting. I think I hate myself so much that it doesn't matter if I break and scar my skin. I've never had a normal life. I've always been different. And not in a good way. Suicide is the number one thing that's always on my mind. I can't remember what happiness is. Depression makes you aware of everything and everyone. It's like drowning but you can see everyone else around you breathing. It's like being trapped inside something with no doors. You wonder how you got there and how you'll get out. You won't though. With depression you either win or you loose. There's no in between. You can take anti-depressant pills and be fake happy or you just slowly let it kill you. My eyes soon became dead looking. I didn't smile anymore. I was me. And I hated that. I had no one. My parents knew about my cutting from the time I was in the hospital and my mom still cries every night. I go to a therapist two times a week but it doesn't help. If my parents think I'll get better if I talk to some stranger about my feelings and problems then they are sadly mistaken. I'm 16 now. I've been like this for about 3 years. I honestly never thought that I'd get out of it. I never thought anything good about me or anything else until I met someone that lived across the street from me. This person was different than most. He taught me things. Things that I will never forget. I'm just an average girl. Nothing special. But I am different. Not in a good way though. My mind is dark. I don't think I deserve love. I don't have it. I haven't been out of the house in a year. Personally I kinda knew I was gonna die sooner then most. I wanted to at least. But for some reason I had to stay. For something that I needed to experience first before I left the world. But little did I know that.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
heyyyy!!!! so I will start making the chapters longer if you guys vote & comment!! thanks for all the reads I've gotten!! -Berkley:)