Second Comes Love

Four

~Stella~

I haven't gotten out of bed for the past two days. Sometimes Frankie holds me while I cry or Elena does. They both have things to do so I'm alone sometimes too. It's easier to be alone sometimes.

So far I have no idea what I'm going to do.

Adoption is out of the question. I'm not strong enough to do that. People who can give their kid up for adoption are some of the strongest people I've ever met and I'd be too scared I would back out.

I thought of abortion too. I'm not sure how to feel about it.

Keeping it, they, them, the fetus, I'm not sure what to call it yet. I thought of keeping it. But then time. Work takes up a lot of my time, and so does school. I have goals for the future.

I know I'm the only person to blame for this, well Hudson too.

But I just don't know what to do.

Keep it, get rid of it. Both options have pros and cons.

I want a baby but I'm not ready and would it be selfish to keep it but don't know how its life will turn out?

What if I'm a horrible mother.

So many things to think about.

I haven't even called my parents yet. I can already hear my mom shrieking at me. She'll be disappointed but she always talks about being a grandma. And my dad, we live in the same and have seen each other a total of three times in the past three years.

Calling him and saying, Hey dad we haven't talked in almost a year but I got knocked up at a party and haven't decided if I'm keeping it or not. So you might be a grandpa.

Yeah, that would go over well.

The thought of keeping it just to give it a better childhood than I did has crossed mine multiple times but my dad wasn't there much and I don't know if Hudson wants to be involved if I decide to keep it.

Plenty of people have turned out amazing without a dad. It could too.

I need to get out of the house.

I've been cooped up here for two days. Work. I need to go to the Nook. Get my mind off this.

Getting up I get into the shower and scrub the dirt that has found its way from me throwing up and laying in bed. Showering feels nice. I feel great. Cool. Clean. And extremely excited to get to the Nook.

I pull on a pair of dark jeans and a golden-mustard-colored sweater. Frankie braided my hair yesterday so I'm good there. And brush my teeth then I'm gone.

I practically run to the Nook and inside I see Damien. It's refreshing to see him. I walk over to the counter and say, "I need a latte, caramel, and the biggest you have, please and thank you."

And it hits me. Pregnant people can't drink coffee, "Actually a tea, please."

"You tea? You here on your day off? It's going to snow." Damien asks incredulously.

"Don't jinx us please."

He goes over to the hot water pot, "Stella, I hope you realize that you have to choose a tea flavor."

Ohh. "Ohh um whatever you think is the best. Can I have that tea in a small?"

I've always talked about becoming a tea person but I can never bring myself to drink flavored water. Even those powder flavor packets that you put in water are disgusting. I'm either going to drink water or I'm not.